OTH Opening Credits

I don't know about you but I miss hearing Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want To Be" at the beginning of OTH. In honor of this I have complied a video of the opening credits from each of the seasons (excluding the current one because there isn't one). Enjoy the walk down memory lane.

Ok so the original posting that I did had a slight error in it. This is the real one. APRIL FOOLS!

Small Soap Box

Ok so something sparked inside of me while talking in the chat tonight. Welcome to my small soap box rant.

Does life always have to be neat and tidy and follow a set of rules or guidelines?

I don't think so. I think that life is messy, unorganized, chaotic, random, and never follows the rules. If it did we would all be living in 2 story houses with white picket fences and have 2.5 children. 

So why should you squash someone's vision to fit into something that you already know. What is wrong with being groundbreaking? If it weren't for someone taking a risk and trying something new we wouldn't have what we have today. They aren't cookie cutter copies of other things. No two people, companies, bands, TV shows, drinks, foods, anything are the same. They can't be handled the same either. You have to adjust your thinking for what you are dealing with.

SGP is breaking the mold. They are treading in territory never touched by a production company. They are reaching directly out to their fan base. Interacting with them, making a more personal connection to them. Before they shot a single frame of film on their movie they are having a dialogue with the people who will eventually make or break it. Because lets face it, you can make the best movie in the world but if you don't have people to go and see it then it is classified as a failure.

You are nothing without your fans in Hollywood. Ratings, box office numbers, $$$. That's what the suits live for. Fans can be some of the most passionate and out spoken people in the world. They share what they like, and share more what they dislike. They can have the power to get a show cancelled by not watching it, bring a show back from the edge of cancellation with their voices and they can change the entire direction that Hollywood aims their products.

As times change so do the fans and the studios. I think what SGP is doing is the future of Hollywood studios. People want to feel a connection to the things and people they see on the screen. Between Twitter, Facebook, Myspace you can see it slowly changing. But no one has tried this approach. No one has blogged and chatted, and shared with their fans. They are sharing their passion, their dreams, their business and they're doing it from the heart. That is what matters, do something you love because you love it. They don't have to share with us but they choose to. That is why they will succeed.

"To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first." - Shakespeare

Why Entertainment?

Of all the careers I could have choose I picked one in one of the toughest industries to break into. But why did I choose this. I don't want the glitz and glamor of the celebrity of it. I don't want to be known world wide. I don't have to rich or overly successful either. 

So why this area, why this career?

I have always loved movies, music, TV, entertainment in general. I always made up stories in my head and acted them out. But I never thought of using that in my career. I wanted to play sports, coach, teach, all of that other stuff.

But when I moved out of my house and went to college nothing seemed to fit. I didn't like any of my classes. I didn't really want to spend the rest of my life stuck in a classroom or gym. Then I was just going to go into business, just general business as to not tie myself down. But then I didn't like being stuck in an office. During this period I had babbled in writing screenplays and making short films/documentaries of my life. I never thought of this as a career still tho.

Then I got back from living in Florida and one of my ex-boyfriends was going to a school called Full Sail University. I looked into the school and thought it sounded interesting. After having worked at the local movie theater, being interested in how the film was made and sent to us, and how we put it all together in the end, film school appealed to me. Then I starting researching careers and doing some soul searching. It all clicked and I was hooked. I wanted nothing more than to make movies or TV shows. To write, shoot, direct, find locations, get funding, everything. I had it all planned out in my head. But then the recession hit and my plans had to change again.

It was not feasible for me to move to FL and go to school. But then the opportunity to learn the business side of things presented itself and it made since. I want to be able to be an independent filmmaker or start my own production company. I want to be able to know what I'm doing on the business side of things. I have connections to learn the actual production side and would rather try to get real world experience with that. So it worked out.

But what about my original question. Why the entertainment world? 

There is no easy answer to that question. And I wonder if you asked anyone in the industry if they could give you and simple answer either. I want to inspire, but there are many ways to do this. I want to entertain, but again there are many ways to do that. So why?

Because I have so many stories to tell, or help tell. Because I see things and can see what they could look on a bigger scale. Because I talk to someone and want to tell their story to the world. Because I want to be apart of the magic that has touched my life. I know what a story, or an actor/actress, a piece of music, a location, the way something is shoot can change your life. I want to do that. I want to change lives, or if not then just make them a little bit better for an extended period of time. 

I want to entertain. To much of the world these days is doom and gloom. The news saves the happy stories for the end, and leaves all the bad at first. We are surrounded by the bad. I want to bring back the good into someone's life, even if it's briefly. I want to make their day just a little brighter. That is what I want to do. I was born to entertain, but not as me, as the characters I create and display.

Once When I Was Little

Here is my embarrassing childhood videos. I am looking into ways of converting more of these because this was actually a pretty fun project. Now please remember that I was 11, it was the 90's and there is no accounting for my fashion (or anyone else's for that matter). Enjoy.

Childhood Memories

It's time to lighten things up a little bit. So many of my posts lately have been on the serious side that I want to share something funny with everyone.

Now everyone has embarrassing pictures and videos from when they were little. We all dread when they get brought out around our friends or boyfriends/girlfriends. Well I have recently discovered videos of myself like that.

When I was 11 years old my family took our first trip to Disney World. Now I loved it. But I completely forgot about the videos that existed. That was until I moved to Florida. My dad sent me a couple DVD's of these videos. When I moved back home I put the box in storage and never really thought about it. 

Well I am going through all of my stuff to clean out and get ready to move and rediscovered these DVD's. I watched them this afternoon and wow, talk about embarrassing. It was funny for me to watch. I couldn't help but laugh at myself.

Now as a special treat to all of you I will be sharing pieces of these videos with you all. I am currently editing and retouching them but they should be ready by tonight or tomorrow morning. So get excited.

Faith.

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up." - Lucas 

I choose to get up and move forward. My life has gone off course several times. The worst of those periods was between my junior year of high school and my freshman year of college. Now my entire life was not off course and from the outside most people would have never known but I was lost, and still am dealing with the side effects from it.

During my junior year of high school I was dealt a staggering blow, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now because of a history of breast cancer running in the family they caught it very early, it was no bigger than the size of a pen head, but hearing the words "I have cancer" come out of your mothers mouth is something that I do not wish upon my worst enemy. She went through treatment and the cancer has been in remission for over 5 years now. 

During my senior year of high school my best friends mother died after a long battle with breast cancer. For as long as I had known her, she had been dealing with this. When she took a turn for the worst me and our other friend were at the hospital all night and we all spent the night together just down the road from the hospital. The next morning we found out that she had passed away in her sleep during the night. I was there with her most of the next several days from sitting at her house to the funeral and beyond. 

None of us who were there we ever the same. Her death had a profound impact on all of us. I tried everything I could think of to help her. We still had so many milestone moments to face and I knew she would have wanted her mother there. We all grew into one big family unit. I took myself out of that unit after some drama with her and an ex of mine and I have always regretted that because there were so many times that I bet she could have needed me and I turned my back on her.

I will always be at a higher risk for breast cancer and always be one that they check extra carefully. But I'm not going to let this risk ruin the rest of my life. A couple of days ago I was having symptoms that I manipulated in my head to be symptoms of cancer (I blame webmd for helping this) but after talking to my mother we determined that the shingles that I had last summer has moved causing a lot of the symptoms. (Don't ask me how I got shingles, and yes they are an old person aliment) But having that thought process in my head of being 23 years old and facing something like cancer got me thinking about all of the people in this world who are facing cancer and similar life threatening diseases and how they could be facing the end of their lives. What would I do in that situation? 

In all honesty no body is guaranteed tomorrow, and if that's the case then what we make of today is what matters. So I have vowed to myself to make the most out of all of the today's I get. Fear is not going to be an option. I'm going to live life to the fullest. I don't know how many more days that I am going to have on this earth and I want all of them to matter. Death is a fact of life. One day we are all going to face it but it isn't something that we should dwell on. We miss those who have gone before us but we must live the rest of our life with the memory of them in our hearts.

I got a tattoo of a cross on my wrist to remind myself to always have faith. Faith in God, in love, in life, in dreams, in people, in myself. I have faith that everyday that I am allowed to wake up that I will face that day and not give up. I remind myself to have faith because we all have moments of weakness. Moments when we don't believe that it will all work out, that we think we are facing more than we can handle, that we just want to give up. I'm not going to give up anymore. I'm going to use my faith to fight like hell to get to where I want to go. Through faith I will succeed. I will succeed in giving everything my all, in never giving up, and waking up each morning and choosing to face the day. That is all I can do, no more, no less. 

Video Killed the Radio Star

You know how they say that video killed the radio star well I believe that TV and movies have killed my sense of romance.

Nothing in real life works out like it does on anything that we watch. It is never based on reality. I am a aspiring screenwriter and even I know that it is rare that a movie with a true to life ending or real life situations is hard to make or sell. People don't want to see the dirty difficulties that real people face they want to see the girl and the guy get together and live happily ever after. There are some examples that don't follow this rule but those are not as common. All of these things have combined to give me a false since of what a relationship is.

I want love like I see on TV or movies. I want to get the guy and live happily ever after. But life is messy and so is love. I haven't been on a date in months because I'm so afraid to allow anyone in again. I've been hurt. But I don't want it to stop me. So from this part on I am going to try to stop being afraid and start putting myself out there. I'm not going to let video kill this radio star.

[Posted on my iPod touch]

Quotes of the Day

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand

As I am laying in bed reading my newly purchased copy of The Fountainhead and listening/watching season 1 episodes of OTH I was reminded of the first quote from Atlas Shrugged. Ayn Rand has quickly become one of my favorite authors. I have not read a book that has moved me like The Fountainhead has in a long time. I highly recommend that you pick up a copy and read it immediately. It will change your life forever.

"If you want my advice, Peter," he said at last, "you've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?" - Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Soundtrack Of My Life (for right now)

Following the trend set by Katie here is my list o' songs. Enjoy.

Name of the Game: Soundtrack Of My Life

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool!

Opening Credits:
Ray LaMontange - Be Here Now

Waking Up:
Avenue Q - Everyone's A Little Bit Racisit

First Day At School:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Cakes for Crabbe and Goyle

Falling In Love:
Dixie Chicks - White Trash Wedding

Fight Song:
Faith Hill - Go The Distance

Breaking Up:
Cross Canadian Ragweed - Suicide Blues

Prom:
Vanessa Hudgens - Identified

Life:
Motion City Soundtrack - Better Open The Door

Mental Breakdown:
Ray LaMontangne - Within You

Driving:
Jason Aldean - Laughed Until We Cried

Flashback:
Shwayze - Buzzin'

Getting Back Together:
OAR - Shattered (Turn the Car Around)

Wedding:
Alicia Keys - Sure Looks Good to Me

Birth of Child:
Britney Spears - Toxic

Final Battle:
Velvet Revolver - Fall to Pieces

Death Scene:
Patsy Cline - Walkin' After Midnight

Funeral Song:
Eli Young Band - That's the Way

Ending:
Dixie Chicks - If I Fall You're Going Down With Me

Writer, yes or no?

When I sit down to write a blog I never know what will come out. I normally have an idea in my head but I just let my fingers find what they will on the keyboard. It's very therapeutic but also a little scary because I'm never sure what secret feelings will come out.

I never thought of myself as a writer. Growing up I was the worse speller on the face of the planet. Technically I still am I just have the saving grace of spellchecker. I always could knock out papers in a couple of hours because the words just flowed from my head to the keyboard without really a thought to them. But I would have never considered myself a writer. In fact I hated writing. I loathed having to sit down and concentrate on something for that long of time. 

This is why when I started writing my screenplay I shocked myself. I could sit and write for hours without realizing that time had passed. The thoughts and ideas just came from nowhere. Still I never thought I was a writer. 

I never thought anyone would actually want to read what I wrote. It's all just jumbled thoughts that I somehow get out in a manner that makes sense. But the longer I have had this blog the more I realize that I may just be a writer. Granted a very amateur writer but a writer non the less. 

I can express myself so much better through my writing than I can by speaking. This is why I would never be an actress. I don't think that my writings on this blog mean much more than a therapy session for me but I am coming to realize that my words mean something to other people. It took several people telling me this repeatedly for me to understand it (it's still hard for me to completely wrap my head around). I am a simple girl from Arkansas who's ideals and thoughts are no different from anyone else. 

I set out on this path in life to have the opportunity to make something that means something to someone. I want to impact someone else's life like the TV shows and movies of my life have me. Maybe I'll never make a movie, maybe my words will never reach the screen, maybe "the beauty is in the attempt." It's something that I am going to fight for until the bitter end. It's something that I will never give up on. But if through my attempt and this blog I can reach someone else and make a small impact on their life then I will feel good about the choice that I made. 

Maybe I am a writer after all. Or maybe I am just starting to discover who I really am. The possibilities are endless.

The Roller Coaster of Life.

How is it that in a day you can go through so many different emotions?

Maybe it's just me and my roller coaster of mood swings but I can swing from happy, to sad, to mad all in a couple hours.

I actually slept last night, for more than 4 hours. That is the first time in about a month that I have done that. It felt really nice. I needed to catch up on my sleep. 

I went to lunch with my mom and some people she works with and had a really nice conversation with all of them. I love using the "grown up" part of my brain and talking politics and other important subjects. (I'm not your typical 23 year old)

After lunch I looked into another job which is exciting. I need to fill up my time more and the extra money will be awesome and helpful for moving. Speaking of moving, I CANNOT WAIT! Sorry got a little excited there. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. Hopefully in about 5 or 6 months I will be in Wilmington, NC.

 

Shortly after I came home a new post appeared on the SGP blog. The new blog/vlog had me going from tears to what Hilarie wrote to laughing at the vlog. I was dying to hear what was on the note they found in the tree and am very glad to have gotten the answer but the words that Hilarie wrote really touched me. Now I normally wouldn't quote from the blog but these words struck a cord in me.

"Honestly, you guys know how much I cry at work, so it takes a lot to get me worked up on the homefront....and you did it. 

I am so moved by the hope and optimism and loyalty you all have nestled our little company with. It's like walking through a field of fireflies....every little vote of confidence is a spark in the dark that is dazzling.
I am inspired by strangers.
Every person I have ever loved has begun as a stranger. 
It's staggering to think that every intense influence on my life was once just a face in the crowd. A random pedestrian. A number.
But this place....this ever growing cyber clubhouse, is something new. Names attached to faces. Kindness. Great distances are being bridged by a similar outlook on life....a bright belief that we are meant to rush out into the sunlight of each day and attack the world...explore, invent, uplift...so that on the day that we die, we will be fat with experience and love.
Kelly and I are blown away. You guys are like an army, and we feel safe and capable in your hands. So again, thank you. Thank you. Thank. YOU."

I know this is long but I couldn't edit it down. All of it was powerful. This was in response to the AMAZING video that Megan Mary produced and Geoh added music to. I will not acknowledge my part in it because I was such a small part of the overall magic that all of the others who contributed deserve the credit. I had tears in my eyes reading this, I'm not really sure why but that is the power of words. 

After this I felt pretty good. I hung around the chat for a while and actually loved getting in trouble for my drive vlogging even though I wasn't as dangerous as people would think. Then dinner with my parents was good because I told them about my new desire to volunteer more and they are going to get involved too. 

Then I came home to an empty house. Now normally I like being alone. I find myself to be pretty good company but after a day of being alone I like to have some companionship. My best friend lives all the way in South Carolina and all of my other friends have either drifted, gotten married, or have a significant other. I also admit that I'm not the greatest about reaching out to people, I'm more of a suffer in silence kind of person. But sometimes the empty house gets lonely and tonight was one of those nights. 

That is why I want to volunteer more. I need to get out of the house and interact with new people again. I need to get in the habit of making new friends because I have some high walls built up from years of heartache. I am working at taking them down but that is not always an easy thing to do.

I have made so many new friends through SGP and the chat but I miss just driving around and talking. I miss going to the movies or dinner or getting drinks with a group of people. When I thought I was going to Florida I closed a lot of doors on friends that I had and I don't know how to reopen them. 

On a side note, I have decided that I'm a chronic fixer. If something is wrong I want to fix it. It is a problem because I don't know how to turn it off. Amber diganosed me as having "the hero complex" which is fairly accurate. When someone I care about is in pain or going through a hard time I want to fix it. This is hardly ever possible especially when I have just recently meet the people and hardly know them. I am trying to learn to sit back and let them come to me and help but it is not in my nature. 

I go back to work tomorrow which is a good thing because it will get me out of the house. I need to see something new, experience something new before my mind makes me go crazy.

Giving Back

I've decided I have to much free time. I do nothing during the day until around 3:45 when I finally go to work. So to help fill up my time I signed up with Big Brothers, Big Sisters today. It would be awesome to be able to give back to the area that means so much to me. I am looking for suggestions of other places to volunteer at. Let me know what you think.

Amazing Job!

So you know that someone is good at what they are doing when you forget that it is them doing it. 

That might not make any sense but I'll explain what I mean. 

When you watch a movie and forget about the actress or actor playing the part and believe that they are that person in that time period and in that place. That is when they are a good at acting. 

The same goes for when an actor or actress comes off of playing the same character for so long. You think that you will never see them as nothing else than that character and then they find new roles and you get to see them as that person as well.

The same can be said for the other projects they do outside of acting. Whether it's directing/producing/writing or a complete career change to singing or something else completely you know they are good at what they do when you forget about the character they played and see them as the person they are.

Because in the end they are all just real people like you and me. Real people who get paid to do what they love, like the lucky ones of us. The only difference is their job puts them in front of the cameras and in the face of millions of people. 

This whole thought process came about when I was lurking around SGP tonight. I realized that yes I love OTH. Yes I love the character Peyton. Yes I love HB as an actress. But I completely forgot that that HB was the same HB with SGP.

When it comes to the blog and the videos and writings I don't see HB the actress who plays Peyton on OTH anymore. I see an up and coming producer doing what she loves. And sometimes I don't even see her as an individual at all. I mostly just see the company as a whole. I see the vision of Kelly and Hilarie. I see the wonderful writings of Nicholas and Austin. I see the vision for making movies in Wilmington. I see the big picture. 

I was on the blog tonight and completely forgot the original reason I found it, HB. All I was focused on was the projects, the community, the pictures, and the maps. I saw everything as a whole not as something just something that HB, the actress who plays Peyton on TV was doing. 

So you know that someone is good at what they are doing when you forget that it is them doing it. 

If I Knew Then What I Know Now

So we have been talking about milestones a lot lately in the SGP chat. The blog has only been around 3 months and yet so many milestones have occurred (with so many others to come). It got me thinking about how far I've come since then as well. I reread my first blog and wanted to reprint it on here just so all can see how far I have come.

"I've decided to start a blog to log everything that I have and will go through in my quest to make it in the Film/TV industry. I'm not looking to be an actress or really anyone famous but I just want to make movies and TV shows that affect peoples lives like the movies and TV shows I watch do me. I have always had a secret desire to pursue something like this but never had the drive or determination to make it happen. After several years of soul search, skipping from college to college, and even moving away from home and back I've finally decided that I have to follow my heart and try to make it happen.

I realize that I am trying to make it in the toughest industry around but this is something that I have always wanted and I don't think I'll be truly happy until I at least give it a shot. That is why I have named this blog SoCal Here I Come. Everyone who wants to break in starts in LA and that's where I am headed, after I finally get through with school.

So the start to this journey begins January 28th through and online degree program through Full Sail University for a Bachelors in Entertainment Business. These plans are a little different than my orignals but due to the current economic situation in this country I could not afford to move to Orlando, FL right now and start the Bachelors in Film that I wanted. So as I do I am reevluating and readjusting to work things out.

This degree will start me in the industry while I can make money at a job here, if I can find one. That is another part of why I didn't move. I've been out of work since October and just recently filled or unemployment. So a couple of months of no income have not helped me at all. I have a job interview on Monday for a manager in training position with Car-Mart. Its a salary postion that should help me pay the bills and save up at the same time.

Since I was out of high schoool I've been quietly writing screenplays. My first attempt was horrible and was deleted from my computer recently but since finally deciding to go through with this the creative jucies have been flowing more freely and I am almost done with the first draft of my first screenplay as well as have a notepad full of ideas for more. I have never in my life been more inspired to do something or following it through.

So here is my blog to post my thoughts and ordeals as I swim these raging waters they call the entertainment industry."

Since this post on January 3, 2009 I have started a new job at 40/29, decided to move to Wilmington, finished my first screenplay (with interest in it), started my second screenplay, rediscovered my passion for photography, found an spark inside myself to push on, and finally took myself out from behind the camera and placed myself in front of the world.

Big things have happened in 3 months and big things are going to continue to happen. I'm so glad that I have this blog to remember all of the little details that would have been lost forever without it. 

Vlog #4

Long again, I'm sorry. Apparently I had a lot to talk about.

Quick Update from Work

I'm so excited. Today is my Friday. 2 days off will be so nice. I love my job but I want to explore more and take pictures further around the area and I can't when I have to be at work at 3:45.

I did really well on audio on Saturday. I'm adapting quickly around here which is a good thing seeing that my job will be along this line. I'm hoping that all of the knowledge that I am gaining now will pay off when I move and look for a new job.

I filmed a vlog today on my way to work. I will edit and upload it when I get home.

Loving all of the new content on SGP. For the past week or so we've had a new blog a day which is awesome. I love the passion and openess that is coming out of this group. It makes me want to do the same with my project. As soon as I get more information on it I will be sure to share with you all.

And be on the lookout for the next chapter of top tens featuring Sophia Bush. (not so patiently waiting for Amber's next one as well) :-)

Thank you for your support.

[Posted on my iPod touch]

Thank You!

As tears are forming in my eyes from the amazing words that I have received tonight I just wanted to say thank to everyone who commented, who has read my blog, who has had the random conversations with me, who have pushed me, who have been there and most of all who have taken a little time out of their life to help me.

I don't want the impression to be that I am doubting the path that I am on. I know that my heart is leading me in the right direction and that this is what I have wanted since I was a little girl and pretended that my life was a movie.

When I was a senior in high school I convinced myself that I was going to move to Hollywood and become an actress. I was going to move and be part of the entertainment industry. However I decided that college was the "right" path for me. So I went to school and started following a path that was never really mine. College is what was expected. I will never regret this because I was young and would have burned out so quickly. I am a stronger person now. I have lived and learned. 

Of course I'm scared and I have my moments of "What the heck am I thinking?" But thanks to all of your words and encouragement I will never again let that thought dwell in my head. I know that I am ready to make this move and take this step and am really looking forward to everything. 

Thank you again for everything. Everyone who is reading this is a very special part of my life. 

And know that your words have inspired me to add 20 more pages to my second screenplay.

(P.S. This also helps put a smile on my face)

Am I a Fraud?

I talk a lot about following your heart and your dreams but I wonder deep down if I'm a fraud for saying this. I know that I have on more than one occasion stopped myself from doing something because I was scared. I have not gone for what I wanted because what do you do when it doesn't work out.

I like to think that the old me is the one who caused that to happen. I like to think that I wouldn't stop myself again but would I?

Change is scary. Life comes at you from all different angles. Especially when you finally feel like you are on the right path again.

I don't want to leave my family and my hometown, but at the same time if I don't I know that I will never make my dream come true.

So does following my dream and my heart have to come in front of my family? If I leave them behind will I ever be able to come home? Is all of this pointless and something that will never come true?

I know these questions cross the mind of everyone who has faced the unknown. I know that I am not alone in these feelings. But I also know that if I am not selfish at this point in my life I will never be. 

I am ready now to make this happen. I am ready now to soar or crash. Whatever happens I can take it. I will live my life not as a fraud who talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. 

I will hold on to my dreams. They will guide me through this life. Without dreams we are wandering souls looking for a path to follow. If you have a dream fight like hell to make it come true. If you lost your dream fight like hell to dream bigger. If you have no dream look into your heart and listen to what it tells you. Dreams are not always obvious. Sometimes they smack us in the face when we least expect it. But in the end dream like there is no tomorrow because you never know when tomorrow might just come your way.

"I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay." - Bob Dylan.

"Always know that there is nothing between you and your dream except you. You're in control of your destiny - be the best you can be!" - Chris Angel Mindfreak

What defines a person?

What defines a person?

Is it what they do? Is it what they wear? 

Is it where they grew up or the people they hang out with?

Can a job, money, clothes, stuff make a difference?

Once you are seen in one way can you ever change that?

I am trying to break the mold I have established for myself. Rewriting my future so to speak. But I wonder if those who knew me before the change will ever see me as the new person or will I always be the person I was to them.

Can you ever truly change, or are we stuck with what we were?

I feel different, I look at things different, I even act different. But does that mean that I am different. Would someone who has known me my whole life see the difference? 

Are we who we define ourselves to be or are we who others define us as?

I hate the idea of labels. Jock, geek, rebel, slut, loner. They are just words. People are who they are. They feel and act and think differently from others around them. No two people will ever have the same life experiences. They will never truly share the same thoughts or feelings on ever subject. So how can we judge someone based off of what we think or feel? 

I want to blaze my own trail. I want people to see me for who I am. I am a different person than I was. I am me. 

Big New, Big Day (tomorrow)

Big News = more good news about backing for my screenplay. Now I hope all of these backers will just keep holding on through my revisions process.

Big Day (tomorrow) = tomorrow is my first day alone on audio during a news broadcast. SCARY! I have had a little practice but it will be interesting to see how this goes. 

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's still a long ways away.

Side note, plans for a trip to Wilmington coming together for the end of April. SOOO Excited. Got to find somewhere to move to.

Top Choices for Mona

My top 3 choices for Mona:

1. Maggie Gyllenhaal

2. Zooey Deschanel

3. Rachel McAdams

78 posts + 2 months = New Person

I started this blog as part of my new years resolution. I started it thinking no one would ever read it. I started it thinking I'll post this first time and then I'll never have to post again. I started it not thinking it would ever go anywhere.

78 posts later there is a whole new person sitting at this keyboard. I used to be closed off, afraid to let anyone in. When you let people in you leave yourself open to being hurt. That is something I have dealt with in the past and not something I want to go through again. But for some reason I feel like sharing everything. 

I went back and reread my first post tonight. Wow it feels like it was forever ago. I find it funny that I posted the first time on Jan. 3rd and not again until Jan. 26th. Now it's rare that I go a day between posts if not 2, 3, or 4 times a day. 

I have so much that I want to share. I have so many thoughts and emotions and feelings running through my head that I am constantly thinking about my next post. I never liked sitting in front of a camera and talking about myself and now I want to do it all the time. 

I'm a new and better person for having started this blog. I'm more open, I'm more willing to follow my heart, I'm living again. 

Some would say I'm hiding behind my computer by blogging and that I'm not really opening up but I think that this might be one of the scariest ways to open yourself up. This is not just telling one person your feelings or thoughts. It's telling anyone in the world who wants to read it.

I always wondered how much time was needed to change your life. I'm realizing that there is no set limit. In 2 months my life has changed and I know that in a couple months my life will change again. 

We were talking about milestones last night in the SGP chat and the milestones that the company has had already. I think that is what started my thinking about this. The blog started around the same time I started mine (no coincidence there) and there have been so many milestones in my life during that time as well. 

Life is an ever changing thing. You start on the roller coaster ride and who knows where you will end up. All you can do is sit back and enjoy the rides. The climbs are long and the falls are fast but in the end you will be able to look back on it with a smile on your face.

First Time

So apparently after talking to Amber tonight it is "odd" that I had never tried coffee until today. I grew up in a family that didn't drink coffee. I never tried it when I was little because I thought it would be gross. I never tried it growing up because I never really had the desire to. Today I was driving into work and decided that it was time for me to try something new. So I got a tall  caramel macchiato at Starbucks. At first I was not a fan but the more I drank the more it grew on me. Now I will be a coffee drinker. 

I wanted to share this because Amber said and I quote "puts the 'there's a first time for everything' quote out there."

Quote of the Day

"I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you could ever have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."

Becca had this quote on her blog and it rings true to me.

Top Ten #2

I suck. I said that I would post my top ten Bethany Joy scenes yesterday and I didn't. Blame it on a sunny day and a lack of focus. So here is my attempt at another top ten. 

Bethany Joy Scenes from OTH

10. Season 3, Episode 16 - "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" - Haley is locked in the tutor center with Jimmy Edwards.

9. Season 5, Episode 10 - "Running to Stand Still" - Jamie falls into the pool as Nathan tells Haley about Nanny Carrie. She tells him she wants a divorce.

8. Season 5, Episode 9 - "For Tonight You're Only Here to Know" - Haley, Peyton, Brooke, Lindsey and Mia get locked in the library during the Raven's first game.

7. Season 1, Episode 22 - "The Games That Play Us" - Haley makes a tough decision about her relationship with Nathan.

6. Season 1, Episode 18 - "To Wish Impossible Things" - On the night of the boy toy auction Lucas discovers Haley's tattoo and her love for Nathan.

5. Season 2, Episode 10 - "Don't Take Me for Granted" - Haley and Nathan fight over Highflyers and Chris Keller.

4. Season 4, Episode 5 - "I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness" - Haley tells Nathan that she is pregnant as he receives news of a scholarship to Duke.

3. Season 4, Episode 1 - "The Same Deep Water as You" - Cooper and Rachel crash into the river, Nathan jumps in to save them and Haley is left on the dock.

2. Season 3, Episode 1 - "Like You Like an Arsonist" - Haley returns home to fight for Nathan.

1. Season 5, Episode 12 - "Hundred" - Jamie goes missing during the "almost" wedding.

Vlog #3

Here is my next vlog. It is unedited in the interest of sharing.

Quote of the Day

"Live the life, Live the dream, no fear." - Quentin from OTH and reminded to me by Becca.

Inspiration

Inspiration. One small word with so much behind it. I looked it up in the dictionary and it has several different definitions. 

1. an inspiring or animating action or influence.

2. something inspired, such as an idea.

3. a result of inspired activity.

4. a thing or person that inspires.

5. Theology

a) a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.

b) the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.

6. the act of inspiring; quality or state of being inspired.

I have been inspired a lot lately. I have also been talking about inspiration a lot. It's a funny thing that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. The smallest words, or gestures or acts can inspire masterpieces.

When I think of SGP and the people connected to it all of these definitions apply. In one way or another they have inspired people through each of them. This has lead to the ones they inspire returning the favor and passing it on to others. Inspiration is contagious. I have been inspired and through that inspiration have inspired others. I am nothing special. The words I type, say or the feelings I have are no different than anyone else. That is until something inspires me. The least I can do is return the favor.

Promotion!!!

The amazing OTH that I was greeted at the door with and the awesome performances around the board distracted me from some really good news that I wanted to share. 

I have officially started training on the audio board. I will be running audio on Saturdays now. This is "promotion" and I can't believe how quickly I have moved up at the studio. It's a real honor. I will now only be in the studio 2 days a week, on prompter 2 days a week, and on audio 1 day a week. This is a nice diverse schedule which makes me very happy. I am learning so much and making such good friends that I'm glad that this job came around when it did. Things that are meant to be will be and I truly believe that my dreams are meant to be. I just need to let them happen in their own time. I'm sure I'll be rewarded in the end.

I will move when I'm supposed to, I will find the jobs and connections that I should, and I will make something that matters to someone some day. These things are going to happen for me. I know this because I'm going to fight like hell to make sure of it. This world isn't going to get the best of me. My dreams are going to come true. I will fight until my last breathe to make sure of it.

Top Ten

After an intriguing conversation about tonight's new One Tree Hill I was inspired to think about the performance that all of the actors had tonight. The one that stood out the most to me were Hilarie and Chad and it made me think that this is one of her best. After Amber and I debated the top 5 I decided to share my top ten performances of Hilarie on OTH.

10. Season 3, Episode 21 "Over the Hills and Far Away" - Peyton says Jake's name in her sleep and he tells her to go home. 

9. Season 5, Episode 8 "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" - Peyton confronts Lucas about his engagement to Lindsay.

8. Season 4, Episode 15 "Prom Night At Hater High" - Peyton and Brooke fight about the sex tape of Brooke and Nathan.

7. Season 1 Episode 21 - "The Leaving Song" - Peyton helps Jake leave with Jenny and says goodbye at the dock.

6. Season 4, Episode 10 - "Songs to Live and Die By" - Peyton throughout the episode.

5. Season 1, Episode 14/15 - "I Shall Believe"/"Suddenly Everything Has Changed" - Peyton visits Lucas in the hospital. Peyton visits Lucas after he comes home from the hospital.

4. Season 5, Episode 8 - "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" - Peyton tells Lucas that she will let him go.

3. Season 5, Episode 6 - "Don't Dream It's Over" - Peyton and Lucas fight about their relationship.

2. Season 3, Episode 16 - "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" - Peyton gets shot and hides out in the library with Lucas.

1. Season 6, Episode 17 - "You and Me and the Bottle Makes 3 Tonight" - Peyton and Lucas find out some surprising news about their baby.

(Added 2:00 AM) I'm adding 3 scenes after thinking about it. 5.12 "Hundred" Peyton the entire time she's at the wedding. (Personal reasons), 4.6 "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" Peyton and Real Derek boxing at Marine base/Peyton and Lucas conversation on the steps of her house, and finally 4.9 "Some You Give Away" Scenes between Brooke and Peyton.

Feel free to disagree or remind me of other scenes I have forgotten about. Tomorrow will be the top ten Bethany scenes.

Quote of the Day

The greatest person in the world sent me this today and I wanted to share it with you because it rings so true. 

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." Christopher Reeves

Sunshine

Sun roof open, windows rolled down, music blaring.

That's how I drove around today. No destination in mind, no specific place to go, just driving.

It was the best thing I could have done. Sunny, warm, clear. The perfect day.

I went out to the White River and remembered why I love the peace and serenity of lakes and rivers. It's so quiet, calm, and relaxing. I just walked and stared at the water and everything around. 

New pics up of this on my flickr. Check them out.

I also took a drive out to the Prairie Grove Battlefield Park. When I was little I loved learning about the Civil War. I begged my parents to take me to reenactments and I loved school field trips out there. I haven't been in years and it was nice to drive around and remember the history of the area and reflect back to a time when things were totally different.

New OTH tonight and I'm so excited. I'm a little bummed that I won't be able to watch the whole thing on break but I'm going to wait and watch the recording when I get home so I can watch all of it. So excited!!!

It's a good day. Things are going to be ok.

When It Rains It Pours

It seems like every time I blog it sparks more thoughts in my head causing me to want to blog again and again and again.

I think that everyone needs a reality check sometimes. I thought that once I decided on my dream everything would just magically fall into place and my life would move like I wanted it to. Life doesn't work that way. It moves and changes in its own time. I need patience. I have none. 

People can surprise you sometimes. Friendships blossom out of unexpected places and a family can form where you least expect it. 

As I am typing this a new blog is posted on Southern Gothic Productions. I went from feeling better to feeling like I did from it. Hilarie and Austin's video put a smile on my face. Thank you for that.

Despite how my earlier post sounded I had a fairly good day. I had coed softball practice this afternoon and hit better than I have in all 23 years of my life. I was knocking balls into the outfield like no ones business. Then at work I discovered that I might have a knack for the camera operating thing because they all rely on me to set up shots and the studio. My director even said that our Sports Final was had some of the best shots he had seen. So despite my whiny posts earlier it was a good day.

I have a lot to look forward to and a lot of people to share it with. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me with this crazy dream of mine. It means so much to me.

Drive Away

Have you ever just got in your car and drove?

No destination in mind but just pointed the wheels and let the road take you where it wanted.

That's what I want to do.

I want to drive. Drive nowhere. Drive anywhere. Drive everywhere.

I want to pack a bag and leave for a couple of days.

I need to clear my head. I need to reconnect with myself. I need to let go.

Let go of the feelings that are bringing me down. I don't know what these feelings are but I know that I don't want them anymore. 

I will pull out of this. I will be the person I want to be. But for right now I just want to drive. 

Stuck

Blog name change to reflect the new dream/drive. Felt like I needed to reflect the blog to the goal.

There are times I feel invisible. Like everyone around me just sees through me. I talk and no one responds, I walk and someone walks into me, I scream and no one reacts.

There are times I feel uncomfortable with attention. Everyone is talking to me, everyone wants to be around me, I cough and everyone reacts.

I can't find a happy medium. I don't want to go unnoticed and I don't want to be the center of attention.

Lately I just feel insignificant. Like I'm not doing any good for anyone. If I disappeared no one would notice. 

I have good days and bad days. I have moments where I see that everything I've been thinking is a lie but at times I can't see the sun from behind the clouds.

I want to make a difference. I want my life to mean something. I want my dreams to come true. I want, I want, I want. I want this all to happen now because I'm tired of talking and ready to do.

I don't want to waste my time standing still. I want to move forward. I want to achieve and see and do. I want it all. 

But I'm stuck, a prisoner to a lack of money. I don't like being told I can't do something. I don't like feeling like this dream is just that, only a dream and will never be reality.

I don't want pity, I don't want to be whiny. I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I'm stalling. And meanwhile life is moving on around me.

Come Undone

I think my feelings can be summed up in lyrics from "Come Undone" by Jackson Waters

"There are ways that I've been falling

There are times that I've been so weak

There are moments I hear redemption calling

But I'm too far down to speak

Come sweet fire of mercy

Cover up my skin

Warm me like the sun

Won't you let me in

To come, come undone

There are scars that I've been hiding

There are ghosts that I do not name

There are closets I do not care to open

They open all the same

Come sweet fire of mercy

Cover up my skin

Warm me like the sun

Won't you let me in

To come, come undone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtx9Ho3Zebl

The Truth Will Set You Free

So I told my parents tonight that I am planning on moving sometime soon and they took it pretty well. There are a lot of details to work out but they are being supportive which is all I can ask for. This is very good news because I was most worried about telling them. 

I think they are more happy about the change in location away from LA because it is so overwhelming. I also think they finally see that this is something that I really want to do and they are being supportive of that.

I'm really getting back into taking pictures. It's making me explore areas around here that I have never been before. Thank you mom and dad for the TomTom they bought me for Christmas or I would still be lost in the middle of no where. It's nice to be able to explore my creative side in a different way other than sitting behind my keyboard. 

My next project will be videos, as soon as I get my camcorder fixed again. Maybe I can get a new one for my birthday in a couple months. That would be helpful in testing so things out for my movie.

Overall it's been a very positive day. Since I decided to move my life has a focus again which is a good thing. I have a goal in mind and I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen.

Decision, Decision

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a move. But I feel like there are certain things that need to happen before I can do this.

I have decided that I want to move to Wilmington, NC. That is where I'm going. LA is just to much and Wilmington is a lot cheaper. I know that moving there will be a small step up from here and until I get through with school I think that giant leaps are out of the question. So Wilmington it is. 

Before I can move there are somethings that have to (or I want to) be taken care of. I need to have saved up some money, I need to have at least the prospect of a job, and I need a place to live.

I have a plan in place to save as much money as possible over the next several months and am looking into getting a second job to help. I have looked for places online and have contacted a couple about availability and price. I have even looked into jobs.

I don't want to screw myself over here but I really want to move. I want to get out on my own and make this dream happen. 

I have made my decision to move now it becomes a question of when and how.

New Pictures from Today

These are just a few. The rest are on my flickr account. 

Freshman Year

That is the title (as of now) of my screenplay. The more I think about it and the more time I spend on the Southern Gothic page I've decided that I am going to get this movie made one way or another. I'm going to try the traditional send it off and see if anything comes of it but if that doesn't work I'm going to make it myself. I love this story to much to let it die away. One way or another I will see this movie come to life.

I am still in the process of editing and it is a pain in the butt. I am actually sick of reading some of the scenes because I have read them at least 200 times. 

I wanted to introduce you to the main character from the movie. 

Alexis is an 18 year recent high graduate who has seen her whole life fall apart in a matter of minutes. Her boyfriend left her for her best friend. She is moving away from home for the first time to go to college. She knows no one at school and to top it all off on the day of her high school graduation she found out she was pregnant. Now she's 18, single, pregnant and scared to death.

Keep reading for more about the characters and story.

Favorite Pictures

These are a few of my favorites from today. More to come tomorrow.

New Photos Up

http://www.flickr.com/photos/35612140@NO2/

Check them out.

Plans for Tomorrow

So I'm posting this so that everyone can hold me accountable to make sure I get everything done tomorrow that I want to.

• Edit Screenplay
• Take pictures around area
• Go to gym
• Finish homework
• Vlog

It doesn't seem like much but I have a tendency to put things off so I need help in making sure I get these things done.

SGP Video

Megan Mary asked for videos to put something together for SGP. Well this was my full video. 

Another Day, Another Dollar.

I made my TV debut tonight. It was only for a split second during one of our promo's but I was on TV. That is a big thing considering I don't like being in front of the camera. Ok well I technically did a commercial when I was like 8 for my cousins business but back then it was cool. Even though my outfit was NOT!

Work has been crazy the last couple of days. People not coming in, sweeps stories, breaking cameras. Yesterday the guy who was supposed to run promoter didn't make it in until our 10 o'clock show. Then today we were still a person short, I technically broke a camera during promo shoots and we had to shot the 10 a camera down. It was like a camera ballet in the studio. If I wasn't so stressed I would have been more impressed with our work.

So I have gotten lots of positive feedback on my screenplay. This is very good considering that I've become a little worried about if it's good or not. I think being overly hard on myself is something that I need to work on.

I'm off tomorrow and the next day and I'm taking these 2 days to challenge myself creatively. I'm going to finish my video for Megan Mary to put in the SGP video she is working on. I'm going to correct the problems that have been found in my screenplay and I'm going to work seriously on my new one. I think that using my creative side will balance out the craziness I have been feeling.

Inspiration is a powerful thing and you have to use it while you have it. I am getting that spark of inspiration back in my life and the drive to follow what I started.

Vlog #2

Incredibly sorry about the length. I won't wait so long for the next one.

Life is Good.

A lot of good things have been happening in my life lately and I never expected half of them.

• New Job
• Finished Screenplay
• Friends - New/Old

I have advanced very quickly at my job. Within 2 weeks of starting I have trained on prompter and they are talking about training me on audio. This is faster than most people advance. I don't really know how to feel about it. I'm honored that they think I know what I'm doing enough to move me that quickly but I don't think I'm special enough to deserve it. It all just seems to good to be true. This is my first experience with any type of work like this. I just don't know if I'm a natural at this or something or what. It's a lot to process.

My screenplay is getting reviewed by several people and I'm very interested in their feedback. I have been very hard on myself lately and can't shake the feeling that the screenplay is just not good and I'm silly for thinking that it is. I'm very hard on myself and I am my worst critic. It has always been this way. I am so personally attached to parts of this story that I just want to see something happen with it. Even if I film it and show it just to my grandkids one day.

I have made so many new friends in the last several months. It's crazy how fast a community can form. SGP has provided a common interest for so many people who probably would have never meet before. Through there blog and the chat I have meet and talked to so many people, several of which I would call friends. We are our own little family and community and it's a beautiful thing to be a part of. 

I have also reconnected with old friends and that is something that I have looked forward to over the last several years. I have a tendency to close myself off to people. I don't know why I do this but I always have. I'm trying to change it but it's a slow process. 

Thanks to this blog, the Southern Gothic Productions blog, my best friend Lindsay, my family and the people I have met through SGP. I am truly happy with my life and the direction I am headed in. Each of you have played a role in this and I will forever be grateful for everything you have done, with or without knowing it.

Big Day for SGP

SGP REACHED 500 FOLLOWERS!!!

Congrats to Hil, Kelly, Nick, James, Eddie, Ali, and everyone invovled. You guys deserve everything that is happening for your company.

The heart that is behind this company is going to drive it to amazing heights. Pedestrian is going to rock and the future is bright for any projects they follow with.

They are doing something truly special and sharing it with their fans. The openess they have had since January and the start of the blog is what makes them stand apart from other companies.

Thank you for allowing all 500+ and many more people to share a small part in your journey.

[Posted on my iPod touch]

Springdale, AR

There are a few things that Springdale, AR is famous for...

• The starting place of Tyson's Chicken
• The Northwest Arkansas Naturals
• The Duggars

Now from this there have been stereotypes linked to the area.

We were the home to "Feather Fest" and festival dedicated to all things chicken. 

Our nickname is Chickendale. 

And of course we are from Arkansas so you get the picture.

This past weekend my best friend came in from South Carolina. She watches the Duggars TV show 18 and Counting on TLC. Now being a fan of the show she wanted to go and find the house and take a picture of it.

Now I am not the stalker type. I don't promote finding people's house and taking pictures. But I couldn't say no for some reason. So we went out and she took pictures as I hid in the car. 

The Duggars are a nice family of very well behaved children. I have been around them several times and they are always polite and respectful. I don't see how you can have 18 children but I struggle with ever facing a future where I'll have 1. 

For those interested I have included 1 picture of the house. 

Springdale, AR and all of Northwest Arkansas is a growing area even through this tough economic times home of Wal-Mart and several other Fortune 500 companies. We are so much more than outside perception gives us credit for. (Sorry, I have a soapbox when it comes to my hometown)

From darkness to light...

I have wanted to blog all night. But I have been at a lose for anything to say. 

That inspirational spark has been missing and I don't know where it went.

The only thing that is coming into my head is a back story to how I got to where I am today.

My senior year of high school I fell in love for the first time. He was my high school sweetheart, my first love. We dated throughout the year and I had never been happier. As the end of the year and graduation grew closer I grew more and more scared of what the future would bring for the two of us. He was joining the marines and I was moving away to college.

After a couple of weeks of worrying and reflection I decided that the best thing for the both of us would be to break up. A couple of weeks before school ended I ended things. I was not happy with my decision and still loved him but I couldn't face a future of being separated and I had big plans for my life.

I never thought he would move on, especially to my best friend. I had moved away to college and missed him like crazy but I didn't know how to reach him or what was going on with him. I sent him a couple letters telling him how I felt but never got a response. I talked to my best friend about it but she never said anything about knowing anything about his life.

When he came home in October after basic training I decided to come home for his welcome home party. That was single handedly the worst day of my life. In one night I lost the love of my life and my best friend. 

Over the next couple of years I would randomly see them while I was at work and avoided them at all costs. One day he came and talked to me while I was working. I don't remember much about the conversation but I remember he said he missed me. A couple weeks later my mom called me from the living room. She handed me the paper and told me I might want to sit down to read it. As I was sitting I saw the picture of my best friend and my ex at their wedding.

They got married a week after my birthday, about a week after I spoke to my ex. That is when everything went down hill. I had never been depressed before but everything kind of went dark and had no meaning or purpose anymore. 

It has taken me a little over 3 years to accept this and I'm finally reconnecting with them but it will never be the same.

If it hadn't been for this dark period in my life I wouldn't have found myself and found the inspiration to follow my dream. I learned a lot about myself and grew up more than I would have expected. I can now face the world and know that I will be ok. So in a way I should thank them for everything.

Friendship (inspired by SGP)

It continues to amaze me how much SGP and the blogs they post inspire me.

Hil posted a new blog today about an awesome friend who got her through a rough time. I just had an awesome weekend with my best friend and after reading that and spending time with her it has caused me to reflect on our friendship.

In the past I have had friends that have hurt me and used me. It caused me not to trust people and to pull away. I told myself that I would never have a really close friend again. I couldn't deal with the rejection and pain again.

All of that changed when I decided to change my life. I was depressed. I never got out of bed, avoided my friends and family, and basically fell of the face of the planet. I wasn't proud of myself at that time and I was walking across campus on the rare day that I did go to class because of a test or something and noticed a sign for the Disney College Program. 

I decided to apply because I needed a change and to get out of NWA and move on with my life. I was accepted and moved to Orlando in January of 2006. By that March I was working 60-70 hours a week and my friends were becoming the people I worked with. I never knew that I would find that one person to completely bring me out of the darkness there. Lindsay was the kind of friend I had always looked for. She helped me when I moved back home and started slipping again. She helped me when I had to face my past head on. She helped push me towards this dream of mine.

We have lived on opposite sides of the country since we left Disney but that doesn't stop us from being good friends. I know that if I need her she is always a phone call away to help me handle whatever crappy situation I'm in.

Good friends are hard to find but once you have them they can change your life forever.

Sunrise.

When you don't sleep you discover new and interesting things. 

• Tea has more caffeine in it than given credit for.
• You can accomplish so much when there is nothing to distract you.
• Many people think you're crazy.
• Inspiration can come at all hours of the day.
• And finally that Sunrise is a truly magical time of day.

I hadn't ever noticed the sunrise until recently, mostly because I was never up then. But with my new lifestyle of not sleeping I have seen more and more sunrises. They are wonderful events everyday. No 2 days are the same or feel the same.

This morning I saw a sunrise that had such a deep color of orange that I couldn't help but be inspired to accomplish something today.

And that is what I did. I completed my first vlog, did all of my homework for the week and even started editing my screenplay.

Sunrises signal the start of a new day, the start of a new adventure. Take the time to enjoy the little moments in like like a sunrise.

First Vlog

Here is my first ever vlog.

Please don't mind the appearance, I had just gotten back from the gym.

OTH Podcast and SGP Voicemails

It's amazing to me how much impact one person or one group of people can have on an entire community. They can change people's lives without even trying. That is what SGP has done with their blog and the community that has grown from it.

This became very evident to me in this weeks OTH Podcast. Props to Podcaster Denise for coming up with the idea of letting the fans give a little back and leave the messages for SGP and just give them the support and encouragement they deserve. 

Listening to everyone's words was just another example of the continuing inspiration I get from SGP and the "family" that has grown out of it. 

There is a support base for this company that has grown in a small amount of time but has become a community that supports the company and each other. The bases of the company is heart and through opening their hearts they have touched ours. 

Thank you Denise for the podcast, it truly was an amazing thing to be apart of.