The Roller Coaster of Life.

How is it that in a day you can go through so many different emotions?

Maybe it's just me and my roller coaster of mood swings but I can swing from happy, to sad, to mad all in a couple hours.

I actually slept last night, for more than 4 hours. That is the first time in about a month that I have done that. It felt really nice. I needed to catch up on my sleep. 

I went to lunch with my mom and some people she works with and had a really nice conversation with all of them. I love using the "grown up" part of my brain and talking politics and other important subjects. (I'm not your typical 23 year old)

After lunch I looked into another job which is exciting. I need to fill up my time more and the extra money will be awesome and helpful for moving. Speaking of moving, I CANNOT WAIT! Sorry got a little excited there. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. Hopefully in about 5 or 6 months I will be in Wilmington, NC.
Shortly after I came home a new post appeared on the SGP blog. The new blog/vlog had me going from tears to what Hilarie wrote to laughing at the vlog. I was dying to hear what was on the note they found in the tree and am very glad to have gotten the answer but the words that Hilarie wrote really touched me. Now I normally wouldn't quote from the blog but these words struck a cord in me.

"Honestly, you guys know how much I cry at work, so it takes a lot to get me worked up on the homefront....and you did it. 
I am so moved by the hope and optimism and loyalty you all have nestled our little company with. It's like walking through a field of fireflies....every little vote of confidence is a spark in the dark that is dazzling.
I a
m inspired by strangers.
Every person I have ever loved has begun as a stranger. 
It's staggering to think that every intense influence on my life was once just a face in the crowd. A random pedestrian. A number.
But this place....this ever growing cyber clubhouse, is something new. Names attached to faces. Kindness. Great distances are being bridged by a similar outlook on life....a bright belief that we are meant to rush out into the sunlight of each day and attack the world...explore, invent, that on the day that we die, we will be fat with experience and love.
Kelly and I are blown away. You guys are like an army, and we feel safe and capable in your hands. So again, thank you. Thank you. Thank. YOU."

I know this is long but I couldn't edit it down. All of it was powerful. This was in response to the AMAZING video that Megan Mary produced and Geoh added music to. I will not acknowledge my part in it because I was such a small part of the overall magic that all of the others who contributed deserve the credit. I had tears in my eyes reading this, I'm not really sure why but that is the power of words. 

After this I felt pretty good. I hung around the chat for a while and actually loved getting in trouble for my drive vlogging even though I wasn't as dangerous as people would think. Then dinner with my parents was good because I told them about my new desire to volunteer more and they are going to get involved too. 

Then I came home to an empty house. Now normally I like being alone. I find myself to be pretty good company but after a day of being alone I like to have some companionship. My best friend lives all the way in South Carolina and all of my other friends have either drifted, gotten married, or have a significant other. I also admit that I'm not the greatest about reaching out to people, I'm more of a suffer in silence kind of person. But sometimes the empty house gets lonely and tonight was one of those nights. 

That is why I want to volunteer more. I need to get out of the house and interact with new people again. I need to get in the habit of making new friends because I have some high walls built up from years of heartache. I am working at taking them down but that is not always an easy thing to do.

I have made so many new friends through SGP and the chat but I miss just driving around and talking. I miss going to the movies or dinner or getting drinks with a group of people. When I thought I was going to Florida I closed a lot of doors on friends that I had and I don't know how to reopen them. 

On a side note, I have decided that I'm a chronic fixer. If something is wrong I want to fix it. It is a problem because I don't know how to turn it off. Amber diganosed me as having "the hero complex" which is fairly accurate. When someone I care about is in pain or going through a hard time I want to fix it. This is hardly ever possible especially when I have just recently meet the people and hardly know them. I am trying to learn to sit back and let them come to me and help but it is not in my nature. 

I go back to work tomorrow which is a good thing because it will get me out of the house. I need to see something new, experience something new before my mind makes me go crazy.


Amber Rae March 25, 2009 at 11:40 PM  

Lol it's funny really...

You and I talk literally everyday...and every post you put up is basically what you and I talk to eachother about...but there's just something about you putting it all together in here.

All your words were so meticulously chosen, and I loved it all.

You continue to amaze me with your writing skills Shades :)

Us "heroes" gotta stick together. Like I've said before...I'm always here.


becca16 March 25, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

"An invincible determination can accomplish almost anything and in this lies the great distinction between great men and little men."
-Dr. Thomas Fuller

You're going to be great. :)

Elise88 March 26, 2009 at 11:24 AM  

It really is touching what Hilarie said. Nice to read it again.

The volunteering sounds great. There's no better way to get out there and meet new people. Goodluck with it. I am so excited for you about your move!

E xx

Anonymous March 26, 2009 at 5:48 PM  

My grandma is a "chronic fixer." I love her more than anyone in the world. But sometimes I just want to vent and sometimes you can't fix everything...

It is amazing how many emotions one can go through in one day sometimes...its a good thing it isn't all the time though.

The volunteering thing is awesome! It is very excited that your parents are going to be involed as well. :)

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I'm a 24 year old girl who is taking a change in direction and going to school online through Full Sail University seeking a bachelors in Entertainment Business. I'm working towards being a screenwriter/producer/director anywhere in the TV or Film industry.