Stuck

Blog name change to reflect the new dream/drive. Felt like I needed to reflect the blog to the goal.

There are times I feel invisible. Like everyone around me just sees through me. I talk and no one responds, I walk and someone walks into me, I scream and no one reacts.

There are times I feel uncomfortable with attention. Everyone is talking to me, everyone wants to be around me, I cough and everyone reacts.

I can't find a happy medium. I don't want to go unnoticed and I don't want to be the center of attention.

Lately I just feel insignificant. Like I'm not doing any good for anyone. If I disappeared no one would notice. 

I have good days and bad days. I have moments where I see that everything I've been thinking is a lie but at times I can't see the sun from behind the clouds.

I want to make a difference. I want my life to mean something. I want my dreams to come true. I want, I want, I want. I want this all to happen now because I'm tired of talking and ready to do.

I don't want to waste my time standing still. I want to move forward. I want to achieve and see and do. I want it all. 

But I'm stuck, a prisoner to a lack of money. I don't like being told I can't do something. I don't like feeling like this dream is just that, only a dream and will never be reality.

I don't want pity, I don't want to be whiny. I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I'm stalling. And meanwhile life is moving on around me.

3 comments:

Karen March 15, 2009 at 1:34 PM  

I can relate to that stuck feeling.

Megan March 15, 2009 at 3:00 PM  

I know exactly what you mean. But my sister gave me some advice one time that helped me see things clearer... she said - Money comes and goes your entire life, don't let it be the one thing that stops you from following your dreams. Everything will work out just fine.

I'm feeling the same way this week, like I'm a prisoner to my education. I know that right now it's just a waiting game and waiting SUCKS - but I'm just trying to keep things in perspective.... it won't be long before we're both headed to Wilmington!

p.s. you are NOT insignificant. I know the feeling but I'm here to tell you that THAT is an untruth ;)

Amber Rae March 16, 2009 at 1:28 AM  

I'd have to agree with Megan. I was thinking the exact same thing while reading and after looking at her comment. I know you may feel stuck and stuck and feel like you aren't going anywhere but thats not true. And feeling insignificant is waaay out of the question. You and I talk everyday on skype and I know for a fact that you are wonderful...and just trying to find your way like the rest of us. Just hang in there, you'll be fine. I promise you that.

And we are all here for you :)

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I'm a 24 year old girl who is taking a change in direction and going to school online through Full Sail University seeking a bachelors in Entertainment Business. I'm working towards being a screenwriter/producer/director anywhere in the TV or Film industry.