So I am laying here watching the almost wedding of Lucas and Lindsey on One Tree Hill and it is making me think of what I would have gone through had I been invited to my ex's wedding. I think that is why I relate to Peyton so much. And the wedding of my ex to my once best friend is the reason that I am pursuing everything that I am now. Without that push and that pain I would have never had the strength to do the things I've done or to for the things I am. I miss them both everyday for very different reasons but I know that I am better off for being the person that I am now. I will move on eventually, I mean it's only been about 5 years now but when I do and I put all of it past me and move on with my life I will be a better person for this. This is why I want to move, why I want the career that I want. This is why I am me.