If I Knew Then What I Know Now

So we have been talking about milestones a lot lately in the SGP chat. The blog has only been around 3 months and yet so many milestones have occurred (with so many others to come). It got me thinking about how far I've come since then as well. I reread my first blog and wanted to reprint it on here just so all can see how far I have come.

"I've decided to start a blog to log everything that I have and will go through in my quest to make it in the Film/TV industry. I'm not looking to be an actress or really anyone famous but I just want to make movies and TV shows that affect peoples lives like the movies and TV shows I watch do me. I have always had a secret desire to pursue something like this but never had the drive or determination to make it happen. After several years of soul search, skipping from college to college, and even moving away from home and back I've finally decided that I have to follow my heart and try to make it happen.

I realize that I am trying to make it in the toughest industry around but this is something that I have always wanted and I don't think I'll be truly happy until I at least give it a shot. That is why I have named this blog SoCal Here I Come. Everyone who wants to break in starts in LA and that's where I am headed, after I finally get through with school.

So the start to this journey begins January 28th through and online degree program through Full Sail University for a Bachelors in Entertainment Business. These plans are a little different than my orignals but due to the current economic situation in this country I could not afford to move to Orlando, FL right now and start the Bachelors in Film that I wanted. So as I do I am reevluating and readjusting to work things out.

This degree will start me in the industry while I can make money at a job here, if I can find one. That is another part of why I didn't move. I've been out of work since October and just recently filled or unemployment. So a couple of months of no income have not helped me at all. I have a job interview on Monday for a manager in training position with Car-Mart. Its a salary postion that should help me pay the bills and save up at the same time.

Since I was out of high schoool I've been quietly writing screenplays. My first attempt was horrible and was deleted from my computer recently but since finally deciding to go through with this the creative jucies have been flowing more freely and I am almost done with the first draft of my first screenplay as well as have a notepad full of ideas for more. I have never in my life been more inspired to do something or following it through.

So here is my blog to post my thoughts and ordeals as I swim these raging waters they call the entertainment industry."

Since this post on January 3, 2009 I have started a new job at 40/29, decided to move to Wilmington, finished my first screenplay (with interest in it), started my second screenplay, rediscovered my passion for photography, found an spark inside myself to push on, and finally took myself out from behind the camera and placed myself in front of the world.

Big things have happened in 3 months and big things are going to continue to happen. I'm so glad that I have this blog to remember all of the little details that would have been lost forever without it. 

Vlog #4

Long again, I'm sorry. Apparently I had a lot to talk about.

Quick Update from Work

I'm so excited. Today is my Friday. 2 days off will be so nice. I love my job but I want to explore more and take pictures further around the area and I can't when I have to be at work at 3:45.

I did really well on audio on Saturday. I'm adapting quickly around here which is a good thing seeing that my job will be along this line. I'm hoping that all of the knowledge that I am gaining now will pay off when I move and look for a new job.

I filmed a vlog today on my way to work. I will edit and upload it when I get home.

Loving all of the new content on SGP. For the past week or so we've had a new blog a day which is awesome. I love the passion and openess that is coming out of this group. It makes me want to do the same with my project. As soon as I get more information on it I will be sure to share with you all.

And be on the lookout for the next chapter of top tens featuring Sophia Bush. (not so patiently waiting for Amber's next one as well) :-)

Thank you for your support.

[Posted on my iPod touch]

Thank You!

As tears are forming in my eyes from the amazing words that I have received tonight I just wanted to say thank to everyone who commented, who has read my blog, who has had the random conversations with me, who have pushed me, who have been there and most of all who have taken a little time out of their life to help me.

I don't want the impression to be that I am doubting the path that I am on. I know that my heart is leading me in the right direction and that this is what I have wanted since I was a little girl and pretended that my life was a movie.

When I was a senior in high school I convinced myself that I was going to move to Hollywood and become an actress. I was going to move and be part of the entertainment industry. However I decided that college was the "right" path for me. So I went to school and started following a path that was never really mine. College is what was expected. I will never regret this because I was young and would have burned out so quickly. I am a stronger person now. I have lived and learned. 

Of course I'm scared and I have my moments of "What the heck am I thinking?" But thanks to all of your words and encouragement I will never again let that thought dwell in my head. I know that I am ready to make this move and take this step and am really looking forward to everything. 

Thank you again for everything. Everyone who is reading this is a very special part of my life. 

And know that your words have inspired me to add 20 more pages to my second screenplay.

(P.S. This also helps put a smile on my face)

Am I a Fraud?

I talk a lot about following your heart and your dreams but I wonder deep down if I'm a fraud for saying this. I know that I have on more than one occasion stopped myself from doing something because I was scared. I have not gone for what I wanted because what do you do when it doesn't work out.

I like to think that the old me is the one who caused that to happen. I like to think that I wouldn't stop myself again but would I?

Change is scary. Life comes at you from all different angles. Especially when you finally feel like you are on the right path again.

I don't want to leave my family and my hometown, but at the same time if I don't I know that I will never make my dream come true.

So does following my dream and my heart have to come in front of my family? If I leave them behind will I ever be able to come home? Is all of this pointless and something that will never come true?

I know these questions cross the mind of everyone who has faced the unknown. I know that I am not alone in these feelings. But I also know that if I am not selfish at this point in my life I will never be. 

I am ready now to make this happen. I am ready now to soar or crash. Whatever happens I can take it. I will live my life not as a fraud who talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. 

I will hold on to my dreams. They will guide me through this life. Without dreams we are wandering souls looking for a path to follow. If you have a dream fight like hell to make it come true. If you lost your dream fight like hell to dream bigger. If you have no dream look into your heart and listen to what it tells you. Dreams are not always obvious. Sometimes they smack us in the face when we least expect it. But in the end dream like there is no tomorrow because you never know when tomorrow might just come your way.

"I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay." - Bob Dylan.

"Always know that there is nothing between you and your dream except you. You're in control of your destiny - be the best you can be!" - Chris Angel Mindfreak