Happy

Oh to live your dream. To have the life that you want. 

But would that be enough. At what point are you going to be happy?

There are so many things that I want out of my life. I want to move, I want my dream job, I want love, I want my family, etc. But if I get all of these things is that going to be enough. Why isn't enough right now?

I have a good life, actually a great life. I have a job that I love and challenges me. I have an amazing family that loves and supports me. I have wonderful friends who are always there. So why isn't it enough?

Why do we look at others and see the things we wish we had? Our lives are our own. We can only have what we have. We can strive for more and hope and dream and wish but in the end it is just our own life. 

Can we ever have it all or do we now and we are just to blind to see it?

I've been so focused on my future and what I want out of it that I haven't taken the time to appreciate what I have. I will be moving in a couple months and I will be following my dreams. This has already been determined. But until that time my life is here and now.

My present is in Springdale, AR. My future is in Wilmington and beyond. I can dream of the days when my present is there. I can plan and work towards them but I can't forget about where I am right now, my home.

Appreciate what you have, want what you want, dream what you dream but don't lose sight of the glory of the day, the smile of a friend, the hug from a loved one, the beauty of a sunrise, the thrill of a first kiss, the excitement of the unknown, and the reason that you are here, to live this one life to the fullest, to make the most out of everyday, and to live.

Doubt

Doubt - 1. fear, 2. to be in doubt about, 3a. to lack confidence in, b. to consider unlikely.

We all have doubts. It's a natural part of life. But it's how we deal with doubt that sets us apart.

Seeds of doubt have always plagued my mind. I'm not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, just plain not good enough. Sometimes these feelings overwhelm me (mostly when I haven't slept) and I don't know what I'm doing or how I ever got here.

It is in these times that I typically disconnect myself, draw back into my shell and try to hide this from the world. The problem with this is that it makes these feelings only stronger and more powerful. So what do you do then to overcome these feelings of doubt.

Hope - 1. to cherish a desire with anticipation, 2. trust.

Trust - 1 assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something, 2. dependence on something future or contingent: hope

Faith - fidelity to one's promises

These three things will push through those doubts. Believe in yourself, hope that tomorrow will bring less doubts, trust that it will, and have faith that everything will work out in the end. 

I have had my fair share of doubts (some tonight leading to this post). I will continue to have doubts for the rest of my life. The key is to squash these doubts and believe in myself and my dreams. 

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt” - William Shakespeare

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” - Nancy Lopez

New Video

When I listen to songs I see images in my head describing the words. I heard this song in my car the other day and the entire opening section popped through my head just like it is on here.


Let me know what you think. Still learning about this editing thing.

Sleepless Night #211

I officially have the worst sleeping pattern going on right now. Up all night, sleep all morning wake up at like noon and start the day. I need to break myself of this but I can't seem to. Hence why despite a long day and a very bad shoulder I am still up at 6:15 am. 

My shingles have flared up bad enough that my arm is in and out of a sling. Hence the picture from yesterday. Hopefully it will go away soon.

I have to make a decision on my script within the next couple of weeks and I'm conflicted as to the direction I should take. My heart and my head are telling me 2 different things. I guess I'll just have to go with my gut and follow the path that looks right.

I have been attempting to edit videos to get some practice in. I have been learning from one of our AP's at work how we do it there but I also wanted to try my luck with the software on my computer. iMovie seems to be the easiest and I'm learning after effects, somewhat. I have posted them on YouTube if you want to check them out. This is the link to the one I did tonight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7GeGP4Tx2I

I'm picking up extra shifts at work next week but that means that I will be working the morning show. So my schedule will be a little crazy starting Sunday afternoon. Softball practice, followed by work til 11:30, go back to work at 4-9, sleep a little, work 3:45-11, sleep, work 4-9, sleep, work 4-9 Wednesday, then back to my regular schedule on Thursday. It's a good thing I'm good at functioning on no sleep. That an lots of coffee and energy drinks.

Booking my plane ticket tomorrow for my VACA in Wilmington. I'm so excited. For the first time in 4 years I have been in Arkansas for almost 6 months. This is leading to a crazy state of being so I'm SOOOO excited to be getting out of here and being able to check out my future home. So much to accomplish the the few days that I'm there but I'm so excited.

24 days and counting.

3 Cups of Tea + 2 Screenplays + 1 AM = Random Photos

Ok so the typing on this one is going to be short and sweet because my arm is in a sling due to severe shoulder pain. But here are the effects of writing, 3 cups of tea, and a need to have an edited script ready by next week and a new story idea hitting you.

Hurt Me

Before Writing

After Writing