Video Killed the Radio Star

You know how they say that video killed the radio star well I believe that TV and movies have killed my sense of romance.

Nothing in real life works out like it does on anything that we watch. It is never based on reality. I am a aspiring screenwriter and even I know that it is rare that a movie with a true to life ending or real life situations is hard to make or sell. People don't want to see the dirty difficulties that real people face they want to see the girl and the guy get together and live happily ever after. There are some examples that don't follow this rule but those are not as common. All of these things have combined to give me a false since of what a relationship is.

I want love like I see on TV or movies. I want to get the guy and live happily ever after. But life is messy and so is love. I haven't been on a date in months because I'm so afraid to allow anyone in again. I've been hurt. But I don't want it to stop me. So from this part on I am going to try to stop being afraid and start putting myself out there. I'm not going to let video kill this radio star.

[Posted on my iPod touch]

Quotes of the Day

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand

As I am laying in bed reading my newly purchased copy of The Fountainhead and listening/watching season 1 episodes of OTH I was reminded of the first quote from Atlas Shrugged. Ayn Rand has quickly become one of my favorite authors. I have not read a book that has moved me like The Fountainhead has in a long time. I highly recommend that you pick up a copy and read it immediately. It will change your life forever.

"If you want my advice, Peter," he said at last, "you've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?" - Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Soundtrack Of My Life (for right now)

Following the trend set by Katie here is my list o' songs. Enjoy.

Name of the Game: Soundtrack Of My Life

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool!

Opening Credits:
Ray LaMontange - Be Here Now

Waking Up:
Avenue Q - Everyone's A Little Bit Racisit

First Day At School:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Cakes for Crabbe and Goyle

Falling In Love:
Dixie Chicks - White Trash Wedding

Fight Song:
Faith Hill - Go The Distance

Breaking Up:
Cross Canadian Ragweed - Suicide Blues

Prom:
Vanessa Hudgens - Identified

Life:
Motion City Soundtrack - Better Open The Door

Mental Breakdown:
Ray LaMontangne - Within You

Driving:
Jason Aldean - Laughed Until We Cried

Flashback:
Shwayze - Buzzin'

Getting Back Together:
OAR - Shattered (Turn the Car Around)

Wedding:
Alicia Keys - Sure Looks Good to Me

Birth of Child:
Britney Spears - Toxic

Final Battle:
Velvet Revolver - Fall to Pieces

Death Scene:
Patsy Cline - Walkin' After Midnight

Funeral Song:
Eli Young Band - That's the Way

Ending:
Dixie Chicks - If I Fall You're Going Down With Me

Writer, yes or no?

When I sit down to write a blog I never know what will come out. I normally have an idea in my head but I just let my fingers find what they will on the keyboard. It's very therapeutic but also a little scary because I'm never sure what secret feelings will come out.

I never thought of myself as a writer. Growing up I was the worse speller on the face of the planet. Technically I still am I just have the saving grace of spellchecker. I always could knock out papers in a couple of hours because the words just flowed from my head to the keyboard without really a thought to them. But I would have never considered myself a writer. In fact I hated writing. I loathed having to sit down and concentrate on something for that long of time. 

This is why when I started writing my screenplay I shocked myself. I could sit and write for hours without realizing that time had passed. The thoughts and ideas just came from nowhere. Still I never thought I was a writer. 

I never thought anyone would actually want to read what I wrote. It's all just jumbled thoughts that I somehow get out in a manner that makes sense. But the longer I have had this blog the more I realize that I may just be a writer. Granted a very amateur writer but a writer non the less. 

I can express myself so much better through my writing than I can by speaking. This is why I would never be an actress. I don't think that my writings on this blog mean much more than a therapy session for me but I am coming to realize that my words mean something to other people. It took several people telling me this repeatedly for me to understand it (it's still hard for me to completely wrap my head around). I am a simple girl from Arkansas who's ideals and thoughts are no different from anyone else. 

I set out on this path in life to have the opportunity to make something that means something to someone. I want to impact someone else's life like the TV shows and movies of my life have me. Maybe I'll never make a movie, maybe my words will never reach the screen, maybe "the beauty is in the attempt." It's something that I am going to fight for until the bitter end. It's something that I will never give up on. But if through my attempt and this blog I can reach someone else and make a small impact on their life then I will feel good about the choice that I made. 

Maybe I am a writer after all. Or maybe I am just starting to discover who I really am. The possibilities are endless.

The Roller Coaster of Life.

How is it that in a day you can go through so many different emotions?

Maybe it's just me and my roller coaster of mood swings but I can swing from happy, to sad, to mad all in a couple hours.

I actually slept last night, for more than 4 hours. That is the first time in about a month that I have done that. It felt really nice. I needed to catch up on my sleep. 

I went to lunch with my mom and some people she works with and had a really nice conversation with all of them. I love using the "grown up" part of my brain and talking politics and other important subjects. (I'm not your typical 23 year old)

After lunch I looked into another job which is exciting. I need to fill up my time more and the extra money will be awesome and helpful for moving. Speaking of moving, I CANNOT WAIT! Sorry got a little excited there. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. Hopefully in about 5 or 6 months I will be in Wilmington, NC.

 

Shortly after I came home a new post appeared on the SGP blog. The new blog/vlog had me going from tears to what Hilarie wrote to laughing at the vlog. I was dying to hear what was on the note they found in the tree and am very glad to have gotten the answer but the words that Hilarie wrote really touched me. Now I normally wouldn't quote from the blog but these words struck a cord in me.

"Honestly, you guys know how much I cry at work, so it takes a lot to get me worked up on the homefront....and you did it. 

I am so moved by the hope and optimism and loyalty you all have nestled our little company with. It's like walking through a field of fireflies....every little vote of confidence is a spark in the dark that is dazzling.
I am inspired by strangers.
Every person I have ever loved has begun as a stranger. 
It's staggering to think that every intense influence on my life was once just a face in the crowd. A random pedestrian. A number.
But this place....this ever growing cyber clubhouse, is something new. Names attached to faces. Kindness. Great distances are being bridged by a similar outlook on life....a bright belief that we are meant to rush out into the sunlight of each day and attack the world...explore, invent, uplift...so that on the day that we die, we will be fat with experience and love.
Kelly and I are blown away. You guys are like an army, and we feel safe and capable in your hands. So again, thank you. Thank you. Thank. YOU."

I know this is long but I couldn't edit it down. All of it was powerful. This was in response to the AMAZING video that Megan Mary produced and Geoh added music to. I will not acknowledge my part in it because I was such a small part of the overall magic that all of the others who contributed deserve the credit. I had tears in my eyes reading this, I'm not really sure why but that is the power of words. 

After this I felt pretty good. I hung around the chat for a while and actually loved getting in trouble for my drive vlogging even though I wasn't as dangerous as people would think. Then dinner with my parents was good because I told them about my new desire to volunteer more and they are going to get involved too. 

Then I came home to an empty house. Now normally I like being alone. I find myself to be pretty good company but after a day of being alone I like to have some companionship. My best friend lives all the way in South Carolina and all of my other friends have either drifted, gotten married, or have a significant other. I also admit that I'm not the greatest about reaching out to people, I'm more of a suffer in silence kind of person. But sometimes the empty house gets lonely and tonight was one of those nights. 

That is why I want to volunteer more. I need to get out of the house and interact with new people again. I need to get in the habit of making new friends because I have some high walls built up from years of heartache. I am working at taking them down but that is not always an easy thing to do.

I have made so many new friends through SGP and the chat but I miss just driving around and talking. I miss going to the movies or dinner or getting drinks with a group of people. When I thought I was going to Florida I closed a lot of doors on friends that I had and I don't know how to reopen them. 

On a side note, I have decided that I'm a chronic fixer. If something is wrong I want to fix it. It is a problem because I don't know how to turn it off. Amber diganosed me as having "the hero complex" which is fairly accurate. When someone I care about is in pain or going through a hard time I want to fix it. This is hardly ever possible especially when I have just recently meet the people and hardly know them. I am trying to learn to sit back and let them come to me and help but it is not in my nature. 

I go back to work tomorrow which is a good thing because it will get me out of the house. I need to see something new, experience something new before my mind makes me go crazy.