Writer, yes or no?

When I sit down to write a blog I never know what will come out. I normally have an idea in my head but I just let my fingers find what they will on the keyboard. It's very therapeutic but also a little scary because I'm never sure what secret feelings will come out.

I never thought of myself as a writer. Growing up I was the worse speller on the face of the planet. Technically I still am I just have the saving grace of spellchecker. I always could knock out papers in a couple of hours because the words just flowed from my head to the keyboard without really a thought to them. But I would have never considered myself a writer. In fact I hated writing. I loathed having to sit down and concentrate on something for that long of time. 

This is why when I started writing my screenplay I shocked myself. I could sit and write for hours without realizing that time had passed. The thoughts and ideas just came from nowhere. Still I never thought I was a writer. 

I never thought anyone would actually want to read what I wrote. It's all just jumbled thoughts that I somehow get out in a manner that makes sense. But the longer I have had this blog the more I realize that I may just be a writer. Granted a very amateur writer but a writer non the less. 

I can express myself so much better through my writing than I can by speaking. This is why I would never be an actress. I don't think that my writings on this blog mean much more than a therapy session for me but I am coming to realize that my words mean something to other people. It took several people telling me this repeatedly for me to understand it (it's still hard for me to completely wrap my head around). I am a simple girl from Arkansas who's ideals and thoughts are no different from anyone else. 

I set out on this path in life to have the opportunity to make something that means something to someone. I want to impact someone else's life like the TV shows and movies of my life have me. Maybe I'll never make a movie, maybe my words will never reach the screen, maybe "the beauty is in the attempt." It's something that I am going to fight for until the bitter end. It's something that I will never give up on. But if through my attempt and this blog I can reach someone else and make a small impact on their life then I will feel good about the choice that I made. 

Maybe I am a writer after all. Or maybe I am just starting to discover who I really am. The possibilities are endless.