From darkness to light...

I have wanted to blog all night. But I have been at a lose for anything to say. 

That inspirational spark has been missing and I don't know where it went.

The only thing that is coming into my head is a back story to how I got to where I am today.

My senior year of high school I fell in love for the first time. He was my high school sweetheart, my first love. We dated throughout the year and I had never been happier. As the end of the year and graduation grew closer I grew more and more scared of what the future would bring for the two of us. He was joining the marines and I was moving away to college.

After a couple of weeks of worrying and reflection I decided that the best thing for the both of us would be to break up. A couple of weeks before school ended I ended things. I was not happy with my decision and still loved him but I couldn't face a future of being separated and I had big plans for my life.

I never thought he would move on, especially to my best friend. I had moved away to college and missed him like crazy but I didn't know how to reach him or what was going on with him. I sent him a couple letters telling him how I felt but never got a response. I talked to my best friend about it but she never said anything about knowing anything about his life.

When he came home in October after basic training I decided to come home for his welcome home party. That was single handedly the worst day of my life. In one night I lost the love of my life and my best friend. 

Over the next couple of years I would randomly see them while I was at work and avoided them at all costs. One day he came and talked to me while I was working. I don't remember much about the conversation but I remember he said he missed me. A couple weeks later my mom called me from the living room. She handed me the paper and told me I might want to sit down to read it. As I was sitting I saw the picture of my best friend and my ex at their wedding.

They got married a week after my birthday, about a week after I spoke to my ex. That is when everything went down hill. I had never been depressed before but everything kind of went dark and had no meaning or purpose anymore. 

It has taken me a little over 3 years to accept this and I'm finally reconnecting with them but it will never be the same.

If it hadn't been for this dark period in my life I wouldn't have found myself and found the inspiration to follow my dream. I learned a lot about myself and grew up more than I would have expected. I can now face the world and know that I will be ok. So in a way I should thank them for everything.

Friendship (inspired by SGP)

It continues to amaze me how much SGP and the blogs they post inspire me.

Hil posted a new blog today about an awesome friend who got her through a rough time. I just had an awesome weekend with my best friend and after reading that and spending time with her it has caused me to reflect on our friendship.

In the past I have had friends that have hurt me and used me. It caused me not to trust people and to pull away. I told myself that I would never have a really close friend again. I couldn't deal with the rejection and pain again.

All of that changed when I decided to change my life. I was depressed. I never got out of bed, avoided my friends and family, and basically fell of the face of the planet. I wasn't proud of myself at that time and I was walking across campus on the rare day that I did go to class because of a test or something and noticed a sign for the Disney College Program. 

I decided to apply because I needed a change and to get out of NWA and move on with my life. I was accepted and moved to Orlando in January of 2006. By that March I was working 60-70 hours a week and my friends were becoming the people I worked with. I never knew that I would find that one person to completely bring me out of the darkness there. Lindsay was the kind of friend I had always looked for. She helped me when I moved back home and started slipping again. She helped me when I had to face my past head on. She helped push me towards this dream of mine.

We have lived on opposite sides of the country since we left Disney but that doesn't stop us from being good friends. I know that if I need her she is always a phone call away to help me handle whatever crappy situation I'm in.

Good friends are hard to find but once you have them they can change your life forever.

Sunrise.

When you don't sleep you discover new and interesting things. 

• Tea has more caffeine in it than given credit for.
• You can accomplish so much when there is nothing to distract you.
• Many people think you're crazy.
• Inspiration can come at all hours of the day.
• And finally that Sunrise is a truly magical time of day.

I hadn't ever noticed the sunrise until recently, mostly because I was never up then. But with my new lifestyle of not sleeping I have seen more and more sunrises. They are wonderful events everyday. No 2 days are the same or feel the same.

This morning I saw a sunrise that had such a deep color of orange that I couldn't help but be inspired to accomplish something today.

And that is what I did. I completed my first vlog, did all of my homework for the week and even started editing my screenplay.

Sunrises signal the start of a new day, the start of a new adventure. Take the time to enjoy the little moments in like like a sunrise.

First Vlog

Here is my first ever vlog.

Please don't mind the appearance, I had just gotten back from the gym.

OTH Podcast and SGP Voicemails

It's amazing to me how much impact one person or one group of people can have on an entire community. They can change people's lives without even trying. That is what SGP has done with their blog and the community that has grown from it.

This became very evident to me in this weeks OTH Podcast. Props to Podcaster Denise for coming up with the idea of letting the fans give a little back and leave the messages for SGP and just give them the support and encouragement they deserve. 

Listening to everyone's words was just another example of the continuing inspiration I get from SGP and the "family" that has grown out of it. 

There is a support base for this company that has grown in a small amount of time but has become a community that supports the company and each other. The bases of the company is heart and through opening their hearts they have touched ours. 

Thank you Denise for the podcast, it truly was an amazing thing to be apart of.