From darkness to light...

I have wanted to blog all night. But I have been at a lose for anything to say. 

That inspirational spark has been missing and I don't know where it went.

The only thing that is coming into my head is a back story to how I got to where I am today.

My senior year of high school I fell in love for the first time. He was my high school sweetheart, my first love. We dated throughout the year and I had never been happier. As the end of the year and graduation grew closer I grew more and more scared of what the future would bring for the two of us. He was joining the marines and I was moving away to college.

After a couple of weeks of worrying and reflection I decided that the best thing for the both of us would be to break up. A couple of weeks before school ended I ended things. I was not happy with my decision and still loved him but I couldn't face a future of being separated and I had big plans for my life.

I never thought he would move on, especially to my best friend. I had moved away to college and missed him like crazy but I didn't know how to reach him or what was going on with him. I sent him a couple letters telling him how I felt but never got a response. I talked to my best friend about it but she never said anything about knowing anything about his life.

When he came home in October after basic training I decided to come home for his welcome home party. That was single handedly the worst day of my life. In one night I lost the love of my life and my best friend. 

Over the next couple of years I would randomly see them while I was at work and avoided them at all costs. One day he came and talked to me while I was working. I don't remember much about the conversation but I remember he said he missed me. A couple weeks later my mom called me from the living room. She handed me the paper and told me I might want to sit down to read it. As I was sitting I saw the picture of my best friend and my ex at their wedding.

They got married a week after my birthday, about a week after I spoke to my ex. That is when everything went down hill. I had never been depressed before but everything kind of went dark and had no meaning or purpose anymore. 

It has taken me a little over 3 years to accept this and I'm finally reconnecting with them but it will never be the same.

If it hadn't been for this dark period in my life I wouldn't have found myself and found the inspiration to follow my dream. I learned a lot about myself and grew up more than I would have expected. I can now face the world and know that I will be ok. So in a way I should thank them for everything.