Am I a Fraud?

I talk a lot about following your heart and your dreams but I wonder deep down if I'm a fraud for saying this. I know that I have on more than one occasion stopped myself from doing something because I was scared. I have not gone for what I wanted because what do you do when it doesn't work out.

I like to think that the old me is the one who caused that to happen. I like to think that I wouldn't stop myself again but would I?

Change is scary. Life comes at you from all different angles. Especially when you finally feel like you are on the right path again.

I don't want to leave my family and my hometown, but at the same time if I don't I know that I will never make my dream come true.

So does following my dream and my heart have to come in front of my family? If I leave them behind will I ever be able to come home? Is all of this pointless and something that will never come true?

I know these questions cross the mind of everyone who has faced the unknown. I know that I am not alone in these feelings. But I also know that if I am not selfish at this point in my life I will never be. 

I am ready now to make this happen. I am ready now to soar or crash. Whatever happens I can take it. I will live my life not as a fraud who talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. 

I will hold on to my dreams. They will guide me through this life. Without dreams we are wandering souls looking for a path to follow. If you have a dream fight like hell to make it come true. If you lost your dream fight like hell to dream bigger. If you have no dream look into your heart and listen to what it tells you. Dreams are not always obvious. Sometimes they smack us in the face when we least expect it. But in the end dream like there is no tomorrow because you never know when tomorrow might just come your way.

"I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay." - Bob Dylan.

"Always know that there is nothing between you and your dream except you. You're in control of your destiny - be the best you can be!" - Chris Angel Mindfreak

What defines a person?

What defines a person?

Is it what they do? Is it what they wear? 

Is it where they grew up or the people they hang out with?

Can a job, money, clothes, stuff make a difference?

Once you are seen in one way can you ever change that?

I am trying to break the mold I have established for myself. Rewriting my future so to speak. But I wonder if those who knew me before the change will ever see me as the new person or will I always be the person I was to them.

Can you ever truly change, or are we stuck with what we were?

I feel different, I look at things different, I even act different. But does that mean that I am different. Would someone who has known me my whole life see the difference? 

Are we who we define ourselves to be or are we who others define us as?

I hate the idea of labels. Jock, geek, rebel, slut, loner. They are just words. People are who they are. They feel and act and think differently from others around them. No two people will ever have the same life experiences. They will never truly share the same thoughts or feelings on ever subject. So how can we judge someone based off of what we think or feel? 

I want to blaze my own trail. I want people to see me for who I am. I am a different person than I was. I am me. 

Big New, Big Day (tomorrow)

Big News = more good news about backing for my screenplay. Now I hope all of these backers will just keep holding on through my revisions process.

Big Day (tomorrow) = tomorrow is my first day alone on audio during a news broadcast. SCARY! I have had a little practice but it will be interesting to see how this goes. 

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's still a long ways away.

Side note, plans for a trip to Wilmington coming together for the end of April. SOOO Excited. Got to find somewhere to move to.

Top Choices for Mona

My top 3 choices for Mona:

1. Maggie Gyllenhaal

2. Zooey Deschanel

3. Rachel McAdams

78 posts + 2 months = New Person

I started this blog as part of my new years resolution. I started it thinking no one would ever read it. I started it thinking I'll post this first time and then I'll never have to post again. I started it not thinking it would ever go anywhere.

78 posts later there is a whole new person sitting at this keyboard. I used to be closed off, afraid to let anyone in. When you let people in you leave yourself open to being hurt. That is something I have dealt with in the past and not something I want to go through again. But for some reason I feel like sharing everything. 

I went back and reread my first post tonight. Wow it feels like it was forever ago. I find it funny that I posted the first time on Jan. 3rd and not again until Jan. 26th. Now it's rare that I go a day between posts if not 2, 3, or 4 times a day. 

I have so much that I want to share. I have so many thoughts and emotions and feelings running through my head that I am constantly thinking about my next post. I never liked sitting in front of a camera and talking about myself and now I want to do it all the time. 

I'm a new and better person for having started this blog. I'm more open, I'm more willing to follow my heart, I'm living again. 

Some would say I'm hiding behind my computer by blogging and that I'm not really opening up but I think that this might be one of the scariest ways to open yourself up. This is not just telling one person your feelings or thoughts. It's telling anyone in the world who wants to read it.

I always wondered how much time was needed to change your life. I'm realizing that there is no set limit. In 2 months my life has changed and I know that in a couple months my life will change again. 

We were talking about milestones last night in the SGP chat and the milestones that the company has had already. I think that is what started my thinking about this. The blog started around the same time I started mine (no coincidence there) and there have been so many milestones in my life during that time as well. 

Life is an ever changing thing. You start on the roller coaster ride and who knows where you will end up. All you can do is sit back and enjoy the rides. The climbs are long and the falls are fast but in the end you will be able to look back on it with a smile on your face.