Possum Hunting

As I pull in my driveway tonight I am greeted by my cat sitting where my car normally parks. After sitting at the end of the driveway for a couple seconds I realize what my cat is stalking, a possum. He shall be named Harrold in this story, Harrold was walking across my porch. Now I have a slight fear of possums. 

It dates back to the time when I was at home and a possum got in our cat food holder in the garage. My dad thought it would be a good time for me to see one in person. Well when he lifted the lid, it hissed, I screamed and ran. Ever since then I have not liked possums. So the fact that one was sauntering around my front yard did not sit well with me. 

I was on the phone with my friend Lindsay and decided I would sit in my car until it ran away. So I did, Harrold went around the side of the house and I assumed to the back yard and away. Little did I know that he had decided to climb the fence next to our house and sit there watching me. I slightly freaked out at the sight of him staring at me, then decided that he wasn't hissing or lunging at me so it would serve as a good picture taking opportunity. 

After about 10 minutes of attempting to take pictures I decided I would go in the house, lock the door and get away from the creepy creature. Well not 2 or 3 minutes later I thought I heard my cat mowing at the door. I go peak out the front door to find no cat so I open the screen door and look out to see if he was in the driveway. No cat but Harrold was working his way down the fence towards our garbage can at the end of the driveway. Brilliant and "scared" me decides that I need to film Harrolds adventure down the fence. So I go back into the house to return with my flip camera. The video did not turn out well but if you look closely you can see him in the darkness. 

So much for thinking that this was going to be an uneventful day.

Here are a few of the pictures and the video. Enjoy.

PS I'm talking to Lindsay on the phone while filming, sorry for the random conversation.

Save You

Tonight was Kelly Clarkson night on my iPod. More specifically her new album. There was one song that really stood out to me. "Save Me"

Here are the lyrics:

I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this
And deep down inside, you know it's killing me
I can call, wish you well and try to change this
But nothing I can say would change anything

Where were my senses, I left them all behind
Why did I turn away
Away

I wish I could save you
I wish I could say to you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright

I didn't mean, didn't mean to leave you stranded
Went away 'cause I didn't want to face the truth
Reaching out, reach for me empty-handed
You don't know if I care
You're trying to find the proof

There were times I'd wonder
Could I have eased your pain
Why did I turn away
Away

I wish I could save you
I wish I could say to you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright

We can pretend nothing's changed
Pretend it's all the same
And there would be no pain tonight
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
Save you, I wish I could save you

I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
Save you, I wish I could save you
It's gonna be alright

I don't know why these words or this song spoke to me today or what they really mean to me but I love this song and the message behind it.

Comfort

Every night(or morning) right after I have brushed my teeth and washed my face there is a moment where I am about to lay down in bed and go to sleep (yes I do occasionally sleep). In this moment I am 100% comfortable. I am not self conscious, there are no doubts, no fears, no worries, just 100% at ease with my life. It is the only time I am 100% me. No makeup, hair in a ponytail, basketball shorts, a t-shirt and me. I'm not trying to impress anyone, trying to achieve anything, or do anything spectacular, I'm just being me. Some nights this moment lasts a long time and the comfort seeps in deep and sometimes its a brief flash before the worries and doubts resurface. It doesn't matter how long or short it lasts because I know that everyday I will have that feeling. 

I am always my most comfortable at home sitting in my room. Normally this comfort is linked to a pair of basketball shorts. Don't ask me why basketball shorts are my comfort item but they are. It's just me on nights like this, not the daughter, the sister, the student, the aspiring producer, the friend, the roommate, etc., it's just me. I feel that same comfort to a point on the basketball court. For some people it's the stage, some it's behind the wheel, some people it's in front of a crowd while others its alone away from the world. For me it's in my room, wearing my basketball shorts, hair pulled up, baggy t-shirt and all. 

Have you ever thought about what or where makes you truly comfortable? I mean 100% comfortable with everything around you and in you. No second guessing, no doubting, no worrying just comfortable. I hope everyone has that sense of comfort as often as possible because it's a wonderful feeling.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I wished for my life to get out of the pattern it was in and I find myself in a whirlwind of activity. Baseball games, work, old friends, new friends, trip planning, move planning, life planning. So much to do and so little time to do it in. Can someone invent a time machine or a time slower downer, or anything that will help my time issues?

I love a busy life style, it's actually how I function best but I always feel like small things fall through the cracks when I'm this busy. The worst part is that I haven't been able to write or take pictures in this chaos. I have never been one that did my best with a lot of down time. In fact my brain goes crazy when I have to much down time. The more projects the better, the more work, the more school, the more everything.

Lets go over the highlights of the past several days, reconnected with friends from the baseball team, remembered why I knew this new dream would work from my days at the baseball team (see previous posts), worked lots of hours, cleaned my house in 2 hours (which is a record time for me), went to several baseball games, almost killed my phone with a puddle of water, finalized plans for my trip to Wilmington in exactly 1 week from today, finalized my list of apartments to look at for my trip, submitted resumes to some companies in Wilmington, started filming a small movie I thought of, learned 2 new songs on the guitar, started my next video project, spent time with my family, and started packing for my trip.

Now that was just my life since last Thursday, who knows where the rest of this week will take me.

Tomorrow I am going to the baseball game at 11, going to work at 3:45, possibly having my sister interviewed for one of our reporters sweeps pieces, homework, possibly going to dinner with one of the girls from the baseball team, more movie shooting after work (yes at 11 at night), writing after that and then maybe I'll get a little sleep.

If anyone comes up with a way to add a couple hours to the day please let me know, I could really use them. But really I love having a busy life style, it's my comfort zone. I wouldn't have my life any other way right now.

Who knew a rainbow could make you think so much?

Friday night I went to the baseball game. Now I will admit that I didn't watch much baseball, I spent most of the night catching up with old friends and walking around. It was nice because I haven't seen some of these people since last October. While I was walking around there was a rainbow behind the stadium. It was a complete rainbow, all the colors and you could see both ends. It was beautiful. I took a picture of it with my phone and didn't think twice about it.

That was until I was looking at that picture as the background on my phone. There is something symbolic about rainbows. Rainbows are like small messages from God. He sent one to Noah when he was on the ark and I believe like other small things in life rainbows are sent to us to send some kind of message. The exact message may not be clear to all and will more than likely vary from person to person but it is a message, a symbol.

I believe I was in that place at that time seeing that rainbow because God was pointing out that I was on the right path. I finally feel at ease and at peace with leaving the baseball team. It was not what I was supposed to be doing but it will always be a part of me and the friendships and connections I made while there will always be with me. There is a peacefulness that comes over me when I see a rainbow in the sky and it's the same peacefulness I feel towards everything I have been through in the past. It helped me grow and become the person I am but it's over now. I have moved on and will continue to. I have my friends from my various stages in life and they will always be there. Some will be more prominent then others but I will always have them in my life in some way or another.

I have made peace with the regrets that I had about how I left things with the baseball team. I wish I could be more involved and help out more but I feel like I am better off just being a fan this year. I will help when and if I'm called on because I'm not the kind of person who can turn my back on them when they are in need. But until or if that day comes I will be a fan and support the team and the community that is involved in it. This was one of the best things to happen to Springdale and to me. Therefore it is something that will be important to me and something that I will do everything I can to help.

I learned a lot in the year that I was at the baseball team. Knowledge that you can't gain anywhere else at any other time because no one else will be able to recreate the exact conditions we were dealing with. We were a brand new thing in a town who had never seen a professional sport before (minus professional bull riding, we are in the south). We had to show people what this new thing was and the possibilities that partnering up with could mean for them. We had to sell this new idea to a new audience. I learned more about how you can go from a smaller company operating out of a small office making do with whatever you can and transition that into a full fledged baseball operation that was operating out of a multimillion dollar stadium. We went from mailing out all of our own merchandise by filling out countless Fed-Ex slips to having people who could do that for us. We went from maybe 20 people in the office to a staff of almost 300 (and that didn't include the concession stands). And the whole time I was there, working closely with the managers, learning and experiencing new things.

If it weren't for the sales techniques, the operating techniques, the managing techniques that I learned over the course of that year I wouldn't sit here today and know that I could one day start my own production company (or any company for that matter). I have learned some of the little things that will make or break a new company. I don't know it all and I never will but the experiences that I had at that ballpark are, what I believe, have prepared me for my new career path. Sure I need to learn new things about the film/TV industry, specifics that you can't learn anywhere else but I know that no matter what I face I will succeed because that is what I have done in the past. I knew nothing about operating a baseball park and I learned that, surely I can learn whatever I need to learn somewhere else.

I will miss working at the ballpark and will more than likely work at one when I retire just for the fun of it but for right now I have my home away from home (when I'm not working) and I know that my extended family is there with open arms welcoming me back again.