Random Funny Story

So I was reminded of this story after a conversation with my friend Lindsay tonight.

3 years ago when I was still living in Orlando her family was visiting Hilton Head Island for a week during the summer. So I decided to take a couple days off of work and drive the 5 hours north to visit her and crash her family vacation. Ok so I worked until about 4 am the night before, went home showered, packed a bag, and got in the car and drove the 5 hours on no sleep. For those of you who know me know that I don't require a lot of sleep but this was still a very dangerous thing to do. But anyway I made it to Hilton Head in record time and we went off to the beach.

A couple days later her family decided to go jet skiing. Now she had never been before so I let her drive. BIG MISTAKE. We were fine right up until the very end. That's when she decided to go as fast as she could around a corner to miss a buoy and caused me to go airborne on the back of the jet ski. Thanks to my cat like ninja reflexes I managed to stay on but not before banging my knee surgery knee on the side of the jet ski. After a fairly long string of curse words and a slap to the back of the head I calmed down a little. To this day I have never let her live it down and still refuse to ride on a jet ski with her ever again. 

The only thing that saved that day was the fact that we were probably 2 feet away from some of the prettiest dolphins I have ever seen.

Traveling Soul

I have a traveling soul.

I want to travel the world. I have a secret journal full of places and things I want to see. I have always joked with Lindsay about how we need to get rich now so we can travel. I even told my mom the other day that I was going to either be a big time producer/director and travel the world for a living or be someone's assistant and travel the world. Shooting high and shooting low. 

If I could just sell off everything, grab a camera, and travel I would be happy. Go anywhere and everywhere without a worry in the world. Documenting the wonders of the world. One day I will do this. 

London, Paris, Tokyo, Beijing, Cancun, Thailand, Australia, Antarctica, etc. All of these places and more. I want to experience it all. I love the different cultures, the different ways of living, the foods, the smells, the everything.

This is why I can't be tied down right now. I need to go and see new places. To live somewhere completely new to me. I want to discover an area, to discover myself in a new area. I did this when I went to Orlando and I want to do it again. To reinvent myself again, to make something of my life. 

I can't wait for my vacation in now less than 2 weeks. I can't wait to explore and learn and experience Wilmington. I have started my list of things to do or see but if anyone has any suggestions I am open to them. You can e-mail me at littlechristy32@hotmail.com and let me know. 

And you can expect lots of new blogs and vlogs from my trip, I will even try to write daily updates.

Amazing Clip

Ok so Megan posted this link in the chat tonight but I wanted to share it here as well.

If you ever wanted proof that you shouldn't judge someone based off of appearances this is it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4

Help Others, Help Yourself

I've lost my inspiration. Not my drive but my inspiration. I am still pushing for what I want but creatively I'm stuck. I can't write, can't edit, even forgot some of the music I used to know how to play.

I am blaming this on an extreme lack of sleep. coupled with a crazy work schedule, not a lot of down time and not a lot of focus. 

Either way I'm blocked and my inspiration is gone. That little spark that I felt a couple weeks ago has faded to a dull glimmer and I am struggling to get it back.

At least that was me earlier this week. And then something happened. Something out of the blue. As I have said in earlier posts inspiration is a funny thing. It hits us when we least expect it and comes from unexpected sources. 

This inspiration came from a source that has inspired me before and continues to but it came at a time when I really needed it.

I was near the end of a crazy week full of crazy work hours, unexpected weather events and the usual stupid people to top it all off. Then something unexpected happened. A new vlog came up on SGP. It was very simple, Hilarie and Nick telling secrets, but at the end they left us with yet another cliffhanger, something they are getting really good at over there. Well this got me thinking and focusing my attention off of the drama and stuff that was weighing me down. This was the start of the inspiration.

Then I woke up the next "morning" and was greeted my the "secret." SGP was selling T-shirts and the logo had been reveled. I was ecstatic. I have been waiting for both of these things. And then I watched the vlog to go with the post. I found out that my purchase would directly help them with making the movie. I was so excited. I was finally going to be able to make a direct impact for them. I can shout it from the rooftops, tell as many people as I know, talk them up as much as possible but none of that felt like enough. 

I'm a helper, a fixer, a person with a hero complex if you will. I don't like sitting on the sidelines. I like the more direct approach. Therefore I wanted to be able to directly help in some small or large way. I know that by helping get the word out I'm helping but in my mind it's not enough. The fact that the economy sucks, people are pinching pennies and studios are cutting back means that making movies right now, especially independent movies, is a lot harder than it was. The funding just isn't what it used to be. So the fact that by purchasing my 2 small T-shirts I could help give just a little bit to them to get this wonderful movie made I feel like I finally have done something. 

This might seem crazy and it probably is but as I have said I'm a fixer, I have a hero complex. I want to help in any way and every way that I can. The small things never seem enough. I always am looking to do more. I still would love to be able to do more, for them, for others. But until that day I have helped in every way that I know of and for now that will have to do.

So everyone go to SGP and buy 1, 2, 10 shirts. They are totally worth every penny. 

Friendship and Forgiveness

Friendship. Webster's defines friendship as the state of being friends. So if friendship is the state of being friends then it is assumed that you must be friends in order to have a friendship with someone.

Well what if your friendship is strand, with time and pain and loss? What if you haven't been a friend to this person or them in return? Can you then call it a friendship? Can it ever be a friendship again?

A friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem. What if you have not held an affection for someone. Can you call them a friend? According to the books no. But what if your situation was different? What if there were circumstances that changed the friendship?

I lost a really good friend a few years back. It was a situation that was messy and painful and emotionally charged at the time. I resented this person for years, for putting me in the situation I was in and for the choices they made. But did they make the choice or did I?

I struggled for years with this pain and dealt with it in all the wrong ways. I went from depression to running from my feelings to bitter to angry. But I never really dealt with any of it. Until recently that is. I have come to realize that maybe the problem wasn't her but was me. I made the choice not to be friends. I made the choice not to move past it. I made the choice to walk away. None of that was on her, it was all on me.

Forgiveness is something that is not earned or gained. To forgive someone you have to let go of the resentment and pain associated with them. They can not do anything to cause this, because it is all in you to decide to forgive or not. I choose for years not to forgive. I held on to the resentment and punished myself in the process. 

I would love to believe that not having me in this persons life for all those years had some kind of negative impact on their life. That some how they felt what I was feeling from it but I don't believe that is true. I think the only one I was hurting was myself. I think by not forgiving I did more damage than good. Who are we without forgiveness.

Friendship is a two way street. I closed off my side of the street. Now I am slowly reopening it, and it's scary because I don't know how to be a friend anymore, to her at least. I did so much damage to our friendship that I can't see why she would still even want to be friends with me at all. But she does, she still wants me in her life, and her in mine. Because despite all the pain and the drama and the years apart I still remember the good times, the fun times, the friendship. It was not always easy, or the most even sided thing but it was still a friendship for good or bad. 

I know there are some who know the situation well who would say that I am wrong for this. That I am better off without a friend like her in my life but I would ask them, would you want me to forgive you if the situation was the same? I have this one life to live, this one chance at happiness and I'm going to take it. And in order for me to be happy I have to forgive, not forget but forgive. I will never forget the things that happened. I will never forget the lessons I learned. But I will forgive. Forgive her, forgive myself, forgive.

The past is in the past. My future starts right now. And in my future I would like to be a friend again, to have my old friendships back. Happiness is on my horizon, the pain of yesterday is fading away, and I am a better person than I was. Forgiveness is granted. Now we learn how to build a friendship again, because starting today I call you a friend again.