Cross your fingers...

Have you ever been on a job interview and they tell you about the job and everything that you could be doing and you know it is exactly the job you want. I had one of those today. Now the only question is will I actually get the job. Sure I need the money and sure I need something else to do with my time but I think the best part of it is that it is the start of what I want to do. 

I always knew that to get into the TV/Film industry I would need to start at the bottom and learn and move from there and this is the beginning of that, if I get the job. It is just a part time camera operators position at one of the local TV stations but it is a start at learning about how things work and operate on sets. 

This job is not glamorous or even credited but I loved everything that this guy described. I knew when I stepped into the door of the control room that this is the place I want to be. Seeing the cameras and the sound equipment and everything made my hopes get higher and higher. Now all it comes down to is waiting until Friday to find out if I got it or not. Sure he said all he needed to do was check my references but I have been on several job interviews over the last 4 months of unemployment and I'm trying not to get my hopes up to high. In this economy there are so many people looking for jobs that it is hard to find an entry level position.

So I love my school but it is a lot of work. Not to mention it is bringing back all of this old math and science that I haven't thought about in years and am having a hard time remembering. Luckily I think it is slowly starting to sink in again and I'm grasping the material somewhat well. Good thing I love reading.

I have never felt more in control of my life than I do right now. It could all fall apart but for right now I feel like my life is following the path I have always wanted it to and I'm headed to where I want to go. How ever long it takes or the trials that may come along the way will be worth it because I can feel that this is what I was put on this earth to do. I just have to make the most of it and make it happen.

Good Day, Good Day

So it has been a fairly good day. I officially started school today and could not be more excited about it. I have never wanted to try so hard to accomplish something in my entire life. It's new, it's exciting, and it's everything that I have been working towards for a long time now. I can't wait for the pieces of the puzzle that is life to fall into place and to see where this dream can take me. 

Other good news of the day was that I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm so excited. Hopefully this one will turn out with a job because it is a start in the right direction for my future career. Sure it's only part time operating cameras and teleprompters for the 40/29 news but I will be getting real experience in a on set environment. As long as I don't botch the interview I feel like I might actually have a shot at this one.

I think I have finally found the right pieces to fit together to finally get me through school. This is the kind of school that I should have started out with. Then who knows where I would be right now. The program is fast and challenging and changes often to keep my interest peeked. I don't do well in the typical college setting because I get tired of learning the same thing everyday for 3-4 months. This is a new class or couple of classes a month. Every 4 weeks I get to change and move onto something new. Not to mention that it is online so I can go anywhere and move on with my career plan now while working on my degree. It's the best of both worlds. To bad it took me 6 years to figure it out.

Now if I can just make some money, pay off old debts, and save up enough money to get started either out west or east I'm going to move and make this dream of mine a reality. I don't know when or where this is going to happen but I feel that one day the fates will shine down on me and it will all work out. And if in the meantime I get to work through somethings creatively before I ever get anywhere then I will be a happy person.

I see my favorite TV shows and the actors and the crews involved and I think to myself one day I'm going to do that. One day I'm going to be involved in something that makes someone else feel the same things that I do when I watch them. I'm going to make this happen or I'm going to go down trying. 

I'm out of shape...

Today was the start of my new get in shape way of life. I don't want to call it a program or a diet because those sound so restricting. I like the freedom of doing what I want and not being tied down to a certain thing. That is why I'm going to gradually change my way of life to make it healthier. 

Try #1 was basketball. Now I haven't really played in over 5 years and I definitely have shot a ball in about 2. I was horrible. 95% of my shots were either air balls or complete bricks. I think I ran around more chasing the ball than I did actually playing. It took me a while to even make a layup. Hopefully as I play more my shot will come back. If not it's not like I'm trying to make a team or anything just be able to play for fun and not make a complete fool of myself.

Try #2 was a walk with Baxter (the dog) and my sister. Now I've been walking the dog for a couple weeks now and I think that walking is the best form of exercise to slowly work your way back into something. It can be as fast or as slow as you want it and you can change what you see of areas you walk around everyday.

School starts tomorrow and I'm really actually very excited. I got my new MacBook Pro yesterday and it might be the best computer I've ever had. I don't think I will ever go back from Mac's. I can't wait to start learning about this industry that I'm trying to break into. For the first time since I graduated high school I feel like I'm actually going somewhere with my life. Like I'm finally on the path that I want to be on. The one that will make me the happiest. Now if I could just find a job and start making some money I would be so much better off.

Lost Love

So I am laying here watching the almost wedding of Lucas and Lindsey on One Tree Hill and it is making me think of what I would have gone through had I been invited to my ex's wedding. I think that is why I relate to Peyton so much. And the wedding of my ex to my once best friend is the reason that I am pursuing everything that I am now. Without that push and that pain I would have never had the strength to do the things I've done or to for the things I am. I miss them both everyday for very different reasons but I know that I am better off for being the person that I am now. I will move on eventually, I mean it's only been about 5 years now but when I do and I put all of it past me and move on with my life I will be a better person for this. This is why I want to move, why I want the career that I want. This is why I am me.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Ice Ice Baby

So it has been an eventful day here in NWA. The biggest ice storm that I can remember hit last night and has caused all kinds of problems. As I'm typing I'm hearing the pops and cracks of tree branches as they splinter under the weight of almost 2 inches of ice. Power has been come and go and I'm using this on time to reflect on the craziness that is winter weather.

I didn't sleep last night 1) because I will admit I am mildly obessed with One Tree Hill right now and I was watching season 4. Luckily most of my viewing survived the dreaded Fast Forward button to get to the good parts and skip the other stuff so I really got to remember the episodes and the back stories. 2) the ice was starting to break the branches at midnight last night and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost power and heat. I didn't want to be startled by this when I woke up so I figured I would stay up until it went out. 9:30 this morning was the first time it went out and we've had basically 2 hours on and 2 hours off ever since then.

I officially hate the ice beacuse last night on my way to my car I slipped and landed on my right side and hurt my hip a little bit. No running around or jumping for a couple of days. Good thing I can't really get out of the house anyway.

I'm amazed at how much the TV shows, movies and music define a time in our lives. Going back and rewatching these episodes that I haven't watched in years reminds me of the first times I saw them. Like the pilot episode that I watched as a freshman in college in my dorm room with 4 of my really good friends and how that became the tradition for the rest of the year. How when I moved to FL and had to work and finally got the episodes online that I was so happy to have my best friend there with me to watch them. Even season 4 when we didn't have the CW here yet and I had to rely on the internet and my best friend who was over 1500 miles away to know what was going on. Every episode has a memory of what was going on when I first saw it. Just like songs that I randomly come across on my iPod bring up parties and road trips, or movies like Love Actually which was the first time my floor of my dorm all hung out together. It's these things in life that help keep those memories alive.

Stories are made to be shared. That is why we write them down or tell them to others. The stories of my life and everyone elses lives are never the same. Sure they all have similar routes or similar situations but they will never be exactly the same as yours. This is why I've decided that my next big writing project will be to tell my story. Not that I think my life is anymore special than anyone elses but there are things that I have gone through and lessons that I have learned along that way that could help someone in the future. If nothing else I will have this writing for the rest of my life and as something to show my children and their children. I think no one can ever really move into the future until they understand where they have come from and that is what I plan to do. Make since of this crazy thing that is my life and all the bad and good that has come from it.

Ok for my last little bit I just want to share a curiosity that I have. I have always wondered what it would like to be an actor/actress. Where do you get your motivation, what causes you to protray emotions in such a believable way? I've also wondered how the hell they can stay still so long when they are faking death. Now I've tried it recently and this is no easy task. Everytime I tell myself to be completely still I breathe harder than normal and my body begins to twitch. There must be a class out there somewhere dedicated to death/dead scenes. Maybe I just wasn't made to act or I just don't know the trick to making it work but it has peaked my curiosity.